2. Bill Compton

We have to give credit where it's due, so we'll admit, Bill's get-the-girl approach when it came to landing Sookie, Bon Temps' most desirable lady, was pretty on point. He played that gentleman card with admirable expertise, but as of the end of last season, he's been slackin' on his pimpin'. The once indefectible Bill has fallen off pretty hard, and we don't want to tell the King of Louisiana what to do, but we strongly recommend he re-vamp his technique in Season 4.

At his best, Bill is a cool and calculated go-getter. He schemed hard to create a damsel-in-distress scenario that he could dominate when he and Sookie first met, and when Eric threatened to expose Bill's dirty secret on Season 3's finale, he ended up in a vat of cement. The lesson here? Bill's contrived attempts at winning Sookie's affection know no bounds. In fact, if we didn't know better, we'd guess that the latest scenario where Sookie walks in just as his new girl is buttoning up her shirt is less accident and more a ploy to rile up Sookie's territorial jealousies. Yet another bold move, Bill. 

If we're going to give Bill his props, we must also call him out for crying bloody, vampire tears every time Sookie leaves him. Pull yourself together, Compton. Whiny vampires don't get the girl. And, we're no experts over here, but we're pretty sure landing your girl in the hospital (even by accident) is never a good look (see: Chris Brown). Our suggestion? Reel in the pathetic, overly emotional outbursts, reclaim your backbone and refrain from feeding on Sookie like she's a superbowl spread. That should get you on your way to giving Alcide and Eric a run for their money again, and away from garnering reactions like this from the ladies ever again. Oh, and if you're worried about sleeping with your great great great great granddaughter—as Bill should have been when dipping his fishing rod in the shallow Bon Temps gene pool—maybe look for love in another county.