Now that J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter saga is a wrap, the window is wide open for readers to construct their own unique scenarios for the now-grown-up characters. There’s already a vibrant network of Potter fan fiction writers in effect, but who outside of the MuggleNet message boards knows a damn thing about any of those stories? No one at all.

Clearly, the fan fiction world has yet to meet its very own J.K. Rowling, a laptop scribe well-versed in Hogwarts lore who possesses an untouchable imagination and the ability to delicately weave a rich, compelling narrative. Why can’t that person be you, grieving Potter lover?

The key, though, is to conceive a storyline that’s both controversial and true to the franchise’s existing spirit. Here’s an idea: The oddly sexy villain Bellatrix Lestrange (played by Helena Bonham Carter in the films) uses her witch powers to create an evil army of feminine drones clad in Hogwarts schoolgirl uniforms and ordered to lure a smitten Harry into Lord Voldemort’s grasp. We even have a title: Harry Potter And The Poon Platoon. That’d shut the message boards down!