R.I.P., people. What, you didn’t hear? We've only got two days left before everything goes to complete shit. In case you didn’t catch signs like this or this in the neck of your woods, Saturday, May 21 will be our last day on Earth. Jesus will return, and we will die because of it, even though typically Christ comes across as a pretty cool dude.
This is all according to this guy, also known as a full-of-shit false prophet Harold Camping. We apologize if this news has got you on your knees praying for forgiveness while bumping some of Mase's old shit. The thing is, you actually might want to hold off on doing any of that.
The truth is, we have been here before. Many, many times. Throughout history, alleged prophets, pastors, scientists, authors, cult-leaders, journalists, and just overall nut-cases have all predicted our doom. And, as you can tell, we're still here, which means all those fuckers have been wrong—so far. Considering the spotty record, we’re going to assume that this Saturday’s unleashing of doom will be off, too. Well, hopefully. We'll find out soon enough. Until then, here are 10 End Of The World Predictions That Have Failed, to make us all feel a little better.
William Miller, Mr. "Great Disappointment"
Alleged judgment day:
Halley's Comet shows Earth how its ass tastes.
Alleged judgment day:
Jehovah's Witnesses are pretty pessimistic.
Alleged judgment day:
website of the Jehovah's Witnesses’ official publication, The Watchtower
The Jupiter Effect theory effectively crushes an astrophysicist's reputation.
Alleged judgment day:
The Jupiter Effect
Even the "Rapture" couldn't stand the '80s
Alleged judgment day:
88 Reasons Why The Rapture Will Be In 1988
The Final Shout: Rapture Report 198923 Reasons Why a Pre-tribulation Rapture Looks Like it Will Occur On Rosh-Hashanah 1993And Now The Earth's Destruction By Fire, Nuclear Bomb Fire
Ha! I Told You It Was Coming, Fuckers!
Current nutty Rapture guy has done this before.
Alleged judgment day:
1994?
Ultimate Disaster can’t stop Cinco de Mayo.
Alleged judgment day:
The Ultimate Disaster
Dude finds the date of the apocalypse in his Bible; God gets pissed.
Alleged judgment day:
Washington PostThe Bible Code
New York Times
Y2K can’t stop the party.
Alleged judgment day:
The Wall Street JournalMatrix
2012???
Alleged judgment day:
2012
UFO sightingsnatural disastersdead animalsOprah Winfrey's TV show ending