24. NEVER DIE ALONE (2004)

Starring: DMX
Why it sucks: If Stephen King were to ever complain about some of the bad movies based on his books, someone should cite Donald Goines’ name—now there’s an influential author whose writings have been bastardized through film. In the case of Crime Partners, which starred Ice-T, Snoop Dogg, and Ja Rule, the lameness is a direct result of limited budget and a general lack of ambition; Never Die Alone, on the other hand, isn’t worthy of any similar excuses.

With some actual money spent to produce it, Never Die Alone received an official theatrical release, though no one gave a shit. Perhaps it was the scathing reviews that called Ernest Dickerson’s movie out for being the lowest possible form of noir. Or it might have been the fact that DMX plays a drug dealer so loathsome that he actually requests anal sex in order to help a former lover deal with her heroin addiction. Take your pick.