The Charlie Sheen thing is almost over, right? Tour or no tour, you'll be tired of him in a couple of days. His Twitter feed will eventually become an abandoned amusement park littered with trash, and you'll be able to go online without having tiger blood or #biwinning thrown in your face as soon as a page loads.
But until then, we'll shamelessly use him as a real-life embodiment of some legendary game characters. We've had clinically insane heroes and villains ever since pixels started to resemble human beings. We gave them a pass at the time because we didn't know any better; of course, now we realize that these nine characters would all be Twitter whores, because only crazy people are THAT rampant with useless tweets. And since Twitter is the best window into a person’s soul, here's how their timelines might look...
By Ryan Woo
9. Albert Wesker (Resident Evil series)
The insanely power hungry ex-member of The Umbrella Corporation and S.T.A.R.S. After betraying all of his comrades, he juiced himself up with a virus, becoming superhuman. He envisioned himself as a god to oversee an entire race of other superhumans. So, y'know, the usual.
8. Alex Shepherd (Silent Hill: Homecoming)
The protagonist who goes to Silent Hill in search of his brother, father, and mother. He’s a former member of the Special Forces; along the way has to go up against The Order and some other batshit folks. But as the game progresses, we start to learn that something’s a bit...off about Alex.
7. Riddick (Chronicles of Riddick)
A cunning, smart, and ruthless killer. The main honcho of the movies and—of course—the Chronicles of Riddick series. He was captured and taken into prison, but you know how that turns out.
6. Psycho Mantis (Metal Gear Solid series)
The ex-FOXHOUND member who killed his entire village as a child with his newfound telekinetic powers...because he believed his father was out to kill him. He also has the ability to foresee the future. The side-effect: his entire body and face were covered in burns. Helped Liquid Snake take over Shadow Moses and gave us one of gaming’s most famous boss battles.
5. Albedo (Xenosaga)
The immortal bio-engineered freak who loves ripping off his own limbs. Who can blame him, though? He can regenerate. His primary goal is to get a hold of the Zohar so he can finally end his own life. Oh, and he tends to do stuff like this.
4. Adam the Clown (Dead Rising)
The chainsaw tossing nutjob/boss in Dead Rising who makes the Killer Klownz from Outer Space look like Vince Carter after getting a hard foul.
3. Sander Cohen (BioShock)
Basically, that guy in your art class who thinks he’s a genius with his sculptures of dead babies being eaten by giant frogs. He completely lost it after Rapture unraveled, and asked Jack to help him with his masterpiece...which was composed of corpses.
2. Alice (American McGee's Alice)
Uh...yeah.
1. Kefka Palazzo (Final Fantasy VI)
The main villain in FFVI: killed his own Emperor, slaughtered thousands, and attempted to recreate the planet in his own nihilistic image. He tends to dress like a former ren faire member who joined ICP. Naturally, he believes that life has no meaning and that human lives are pointless. He tried to enslave Terra, who turned against him. Wonder why!
