Looney Birds: 10 Signs That She's More Crazy Than Sexy

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10. She destroys your car.

Learned from: A Thin Line Between Love And Hate (1996)

Complex says: It’s the classic scorned-ex’s retaliation: Rather than resort to woman-on-man violence, she hurls a brick through her heartbreaker’s car windshield. Just because this Pep Boys-beneficial tactic is common, though, doesn’t mean that it’s sane. In Martin Lawrence’s humorous A Thin Line Between Love and Hate, the foxy Lynn Whitfield plays a jilted lover with a penchant for defacing automobiles; she’s a gearhead’s worst nightmare. Even after implanting a brick into dude’s front-window, Whitfield removes the whip’s four tires, grounding it in front of a police station. Not even promises of road head could forgive such craziness.

9. She fakes a suicide attempt.

Learned from: Obsessed (2009)

Complex says: Nobody likes an attention whore, not even if she resembles Ali Larter. As Idris Elba’s infatuated temp, the blonde sexpot goes to all kinds of desperate measures to stay before his eyes. But when she pretends to kill herself just to gain sympathy points, however, she enters a whole other world of drama best left to well-paid therapists. Bet you didn’t think anything of value could derive from the melodramatic washout that is Obsessed. Somehow, the wretched flick managed to drain all the hotness out of a catfight between Larter and Beyonce. We visited a shrink ourselves just to make sure our libidos hadn’t gone defective.

8. She breast-feeds another woman’s baby without permission.

Learned from: The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992)

Complex says: When dating older women, there’s always the chance that they’ll want to speed things up, and we’re not talking first-to-second-date smashing. With biological clocks a-ticking, some elder ladies want to pump out a kid or two before the well dries up. We understand that, but those desires shouldn’t make a broad pull her nips out for the nearest infant in sight. Take a cue from sexy Rebecca De Mornay’s lunatic nanny in The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, whose longings are way sicker yet still cautionary. Amongst other sadistic tomfoolery, her unrequested booby snack leads to mayhem and death.

7. She shamelessly flashes her goodies in public.

Learned from: Basic Instinct (1992)

Complex says: Theoretically, indecent exposure is a good thing, especially when women who look like Sharon Stone circa ‘92 are the ones showing off. But take a look at the track record of other ladies who’ve given impromptu peep shows: Britney Spears, Tila Tequila, Mischa Barton. All three of those gals are nuttier than a box of Snickers. At least none of them enjoy sharpening ice picks on guys’ skin like Stone’s Basic Instinct villainess, though. That’s phallic freakiness we hope to never encounter.

6. She gets off on sniffing men’s clothes.

Learned from: Devil In The Flesh (1998)

Complex says: You couldn’t ask for an easier way to get a woman’s juices flowing. Invite your potential bedfellow into your room, whip open the closet, and encourage her to sniff away. Assuming you’re employing this tactic on laundry day, it’d bring forth instant access, unless she’s as unhinged as Rose McGowan in 1998’s straight-to-video thriller Devil in the Flesh. To avoid triggering any psychopathic urges, keep your closet closed at all times. You don’t want her seeing the tags on those K-Mart button-ups, anyway.

5. She dumps a wasps’ nest into an air vent.

Learned from: The Crush (1993)

Complex says: Some might call this twisted creativity, but we’re simply dubbing it pure insanity. After her breakthrough in Aerosmith’s “Crying” video, Alicia Silverstone’s first major film role came in this perverse thriller, about an off-her-rocker teenage girl who’s obsessed with her middle-aged neighbor. Silverstone’s character doesn’t merely try to stab people, though; she uses a complex method of vengeance that’d make Jigsaw clap. With her wannabe lover’s gal-pal locked in a darkroom, the teen loon empties a wasps’ next into the premises. A simple threat of “He’s mine, bitch” would’ve sufficed, no?

4. She gets all scissor-happy with your girlfriend’s hair.

Learned from: Play Misty For Me (1971)

Complex says: Arrested Development’s matriarch Jessica Walter was quite desirable back in the day, and her Play Misty for Me temptress is one of film’s greatest psycho-chicks. Immensely creepy as the demented super-fan Evelyn Draper, Walter laid the blueprint for pretty nutjobs to come. At one point, she disrupts one of radio DJ Dave Garver’s (Clint Eastwood) business meetings, and even tries offing herself inside his house. One of Play Misty for Me’s darkest scenes, though, shows Evelyn cutting off locks of Garver’s new girlfriend’s mane while smiling maniacally. Think of the skin fade she’d give a man.

3. She keeps dead animals in her freezer.

Learned from: May (2002)

Complex says: Looking inside a girl’s fridge seems innocent enough, but it’s actually a tell-tale sign of things to come. If it’s stocked up with sugar-free ice cream and bags of microwavable veggies, she’s most likely the “No sex on a first date” type; on the other hand, if there’s frozen pizza still in the delivery box, and a half-full bottle of Hennessey, you’re pretty much destined for her bedroom. But a dead cat packaged in Saran wrap? Don’t be surprised if she tries to jab your forehead with rusty scissors. May’s (Angela Bettis) victim here had it coming, though; that hairstyle is inexcusable.

2. She boils bunny rabbits alive.

Learned from: Fatal Attraction (1987)

Complex says: First off, when selecting a family pet, make a beeline away from Fluffy and friends at the pet store and head for the dog section. Really, what can a kid do with a bunny, other than watch it eat carrots? We might not approve of pet rabbits, but we don’t want to see them boiled like ham, either. Glenn Close’s disturbed witch in Fatal Attraction attacks Michael Douglas where it hurts, scarring his child for life by making a full-bodied rabbit stew. What’s the lesson here? Get a dog, preferably one bigger than Thumper. Let’s see an insane chick try to sacrifice a Rottweiler to prove a point.

1. She keeps mutilated men tied up in bags.

Learned from: Audition (1999)

Complex says: Picture this scenario: After you’ve spent $50 on Patron shots, a pretty-young-thing invites you back to her apartment. Ready to lay the pipe, you step foot into her living room, cheese grin intact, only to discover a large burlap sack. Then the sack starts convulsing, and a dude crawls out with no feet, and Ms. Psycho Chick feeds him from a dog bowl. Like the poor guy in Takashi Miike’s vicious sneak attack Audition, we’d be horrified, though we’d haul ass out of there like we stole something. The strongest pair of tequila-goggles imaginable couldn’t make us overlook such grotesquery; we like our feet too much.