"Like any city whose people don’t leave very often, Sacramento has its own vernacular. That vernacular is "hella." It is a shapeshifting word, much like fuck, but is used predominantly as a prefix. Things get hellacold, hellahot, hellalame, and hellasweet. While I’m not gonna say I’ve never heard it used as a noun or verb, it is less common. It is quite popular as an adverb or an adjective, and there are still other ways to use it. For example, when asked if he wanted to grab a beer last night, the man replied, simply, "Hella."

I just don’t know how to classify that.

I was told that Sacramento is the Riverside of the North. This may very well be true. It does exist in the shadow of a cooler city, and everyone does like lifted vehicles and flip-flops in the dirt, and, like the Inland Empire, it is a major exporter of porn stars (the great Sasha Grey, Monique Alexander, Alexis Love, Sandee Westgate, Sabrina Maree, Claire Dames, Charmane Star, Tiffany Tyler, Paris Dahl, me). There are also a lot of tattoos and excuses to grab a beer, on someone’s lawn, underage, where you can compare tattoos that were also bought with a fake ID. I know. I have one. It’s an outdoor city in general though. Remember, we have trees. We also have the Sacramento and American Rivers running right into each other in the middle of the city. There are beautifully paved bike/skateboard/rollerblade trails and boy-scout maintained horse/quad/motocross trails running along the water that will take you all the way to Nevada if you have the time. You cannot live in Sacramento without developing a hobby that requires a helmet.