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The Twin Galaxies International World Championships were held this weekend in the largest parents' basement EVAR the International Videogame Hall of Fame in Ottumwa, Iowa, giving dozens of gaming enthusiasts the chance to set official world records (you may recognize the name Twin Galaxies from the documentary King of Kong—they're the official supplier of Video Game Scores to the Guinness Book of World Records). And of course, Donkey Kong master and professional heel Billy Mitchell got in on the action as well, announcing confirmed scores that wrested the all-time DOnkey Kong (and DOnkey Kong Jr.!) high scores away from their previous holders. We have to say, we're impressed—the ability to spend four hours playing a single arcade game without losing has always seemed almost superhuman. Of course, that doesn't go for every game out there—but thanks to Twin Galaxies, there are plenty of official world-record holders for those games too. And it's time to salute those gamers of infinite patience and questionable taste, for they are the masters of some of the worst games we've ever played...

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CABBAGE PATCH KIDS: ADVENTURE IN THE PARK, (ColecoVision, 1984)
Who Set The Record: Tom Duncan, who completed 100% of the game.
Complex Says: Tom Duncan holds over 3,000 video game records, which is the only conceivable excuse we can think of for playing all the way through Babyland Park. Let's repeat that for a second: BABYLAND PARK. And it's not called that because it heightens the already creepy effect of a derelict playground in a zombie-ridden or post-apocalyptic world. It's called that so 5-year-olds feel comfortable.

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et

E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (Atari 2600, 1982)
Who Set The Record: Todd Rogers, who managed to complete 100% of the game widely recognized as a) one of the worst of all time, and b) the game that led to the Great Video Game Crash of the early 1980s. The second-place record, we'd like to point out, is for someone who only got 12.14% if the game finished before (we assume) jumping to his death.
Complex Says: Todd Rogers, we salute you. We also wish we knew how you managed to dig that cartridge out of a New Mexico landfill.

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cookingmama

COOKING MAMA (Nintnedo DS, 1986)
Who Set The Record: William Willemstyn III, who chopped, diced, and sauteed his way to records in every skill level Mama could judge you on, including the ever-integral Stuff Cabbage.
Complex Says: We wish that was our name. We'd go by "WWIII" and every time we set a new Cooking Mama record, we'd be all "AWWW YEAH WORLD WAR 3'S DROPPING FUTURISTIC KNIFE STYLES ON ALL YOU BITCHES." And then we'd get back to slicing zucchini.

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CHOPLIFTER! (Atari 7800, 1987)
Who Set The Record: Terrence O'Neil, who...well, he flew a helicopter back and forth, picking up four groups of 16 hostages each, shooting an occasional tank that had horrible aim and blew up from one shot, until he finished the game in under five minutes. Yaaaaaaaaay!
Complex Says: Judging from the apparent difficulty of this game, it should have been named Invasion of Grenada!.

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possum

AWESOME POSSUM KICKS DR. MACHINO'S BUTT
Who Set The Record: John M. Brissie, who finished the environmentally conscious and bizarrely titled game in its entirety.
Complex Says: We assume Brissie was able to answer the above question, as well as many others. Such as "why isn't Dr. Machino's butt a boss battle?"

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noid

YO! NOID (NES, 1990)
Who Set The Record: Ryan T. Fenton, who last year managed to yo-yo, Hyperboard, and competitively eat his way through the entire game
Complex Says: Sure, we like pizza. And we like yo-yos. And we're assuming we like Hyperboards, which sound awesome. But we have to draw the line at playing video games starring corporate mascots. You'd never see us doing that when there are great games like Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool occupying our gaming hours!

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shaqfu

SHAQ-FU (Super Nintendo, 1994)
Who Set The Record: Adam E. DeAnda, who took time out from fronting an '80s new-wave band to set an all-time points record in the inexplicable Shaquille O'Neal fighting game.
Complex Says: Contrary to what we'd like to believe, this is not the worst-named NBA-player-starring video game of all time. That honor belongs either to Barkley Shut Up and Jam! or Tim Hardaway's Double-Anal Jamboree.

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smurfs

THE SMURFS (Gameboy, 1993)
Who Set The Record: Tee Jester, for knocking out the whole game and rescuing the three Smurfs that Gargamel was bent on eating for dinner.
Complex Says: Wait, Gargamel wanted to eat Smurfs? We always thought he was driven by blind hatred, but this other way is just creepy. But that's ignoring the real question, which is: WHAT IS THE POINT OF SETTING A "WORLD RECORD" IN THIS GAME?

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NUTS (Atari 2600, 1982)
Who Set The Record: David B. Yancey, who had such a strong taste for Nuts that he gobbled down the whole thing in 2005!
Complex Says: This game, a completely forgettable old-school shooter, has nothing to do with nuts. Which is really too bad, because we had a few dozen jokes ready to go, and only managed to bust off about three of them.

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