Pitch Perfect: Billy Mays' 9 Greatest Products
THE CHEAPEST
Hercules Hook, $14.95
With help from Billy, nothing could be better hung.
BUY IT NOW! http://www.asseenontv.com/prod-pages/hercules_hook.htm
THE PRICIEST
iCan Insurance
Public option? Who needs a public option when you can simply fork over $160 a month (until you actually get sick and iCan dumps you on your can)?
BUY IT NOW! http://www.icanbenefit.com/
THE BEST NAMED
Kaboom
BLAST stains away! OBLITERATE THEM! KAPOW BLAOW TA-DAOW! HOUSEKEEPING WILL NEVER BE BORING AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!
BUY IT NOW! http://www.kaboomkaboom.com/products.shtml
THE MOST USEFUL
Jupiter Jack
Sounds like a phone-sex line for Buzz Lightyear fetishists, but could actually keep you from driving into a baby!
BUY IT NOW! jupiterjack.com
THE MOST USELESS
The Gopher
Don't like using your hands? Tired of being young and vital? Opposable thumbs a waste of evolution? Let those stupid mitts atrophy and use a gripping tool instead!
BUY IT NOW! http://www.asseenontvguys.com/
THE MOST POPULAR
OxiClean
For more than 10 years, Mays hawked the detergent booster. We can't front, we use it to get our whites sparkling white. Stone Philips white, even!
BUY IT NOW! http://greatcleaners.com/Products/OxiClean
THE MOST RIPPED OFF (1)
Zorbeez
Yeah, ShamWow is a cooler name, but Zorbeez was first. Which means something to us and...nobody else. Still, respect the architect!
BUY IT NOW! https://www.zorbeez.com
THE MOST RIPPED OFF (2)
Chop It
Sure, the ShamWow and SlapChop helped rocket Vince to stardom, but both were a pale imitation of Mays classics. Go beat up a hooker, Vince.
BUY IT NOW Chop It has been discontinued! (Yes, we're starting a Facebook page to bring it back. Details to come in Nevruary.)
THE BEST VALUE
Steam Buddy
$19.99 for an $80 value? HOLY CRAP, IT'S NOT JUST A HASTILY-ASSEMBLED FIRE HAZARD!
BUY IT NOW! https://www.buysteambuddy.com