We understand that Counter-Strike is serious business—but it's clearly a little more serious in China, where the game has been used to train police officers. Maybe those cops need to head to more Internet cafes like the one a CS player accused cheater was stabbed in the head with a kitchen knife. Yes, IN THE HEAD. This wasn't just a little poke, either; the large knife was thrust all the way through his head. Feel free to start up with the "God Mode" and respawn jokes, though—the 17-year-old kid survived. Of course, this is is just another incident in the history of real life GTA missions. Here are five instances in which maybe, just maybe, people should've just stuck to gaming and taken a pass on the whole real-life thing...
SIDE-QUEST FAIL The Circumstances: In Naples, FL, a genius named David Daniels and an accomplice kidnapped 18-year old Kyle Yarkosky, then forced Yarkosky to take them back to his house. After making the kid steal his own stepfather's jewelry and credit card, Daniels drives them all to Wal-Mart, where the plan is to buy a shotgun with said credit card. But when the gun counter is closed, they settle for... a PS3. Daniels releases Yarkosky afterwards.
Complex Says: Wow, it's like a crappier version of the old RPG fetch quest—except instead of having to run around collecting 35 purple turtle shells for the old geezer in the elf village so you can get that rare magic staff, you have to scare the crap out of some poor kid and steal his stepfather's credit card. And in real life, all you got was a PS3 that can't even cast Firaga!
WACK HACK ATTACK
The Circumstances: A Brazilian gang takes advantage of a poor gamer's hormones—but that's not the worst crime in this story (hell, isn't that the whole point of Brazil?). After one of the gang members' girlfriends lures a gamer—one of the world's top players in Gunbound, a Korean MMO— into meeting her for a "date," the thugs promptly abduct him, then hold him at gunpoint for five hours, trying to extract his Gunbound account password so they can sell it for $8000. Even with a gun to his head, the hostage doesn't break. The gang eventually gives up and lets him go, we assume after remembering that they could just go to the beach and stare at asses.
Complex Says: Brazilian gangs got nothin' on MMO players. These dudes are already willing to risk death by exhaustion in front of their PC—you think a gun is going to make 'em break? That's like bringing a gun to a... well, to a virtual gunfight.
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE (CRIME) RING
The Circumstances: A ring of robbers hits a string of five used-game stores around the Sacramento area. At least three of those places are confirmed to be GameStops. Each store is hit by two gunmen at a time, which leads the police to believe this is some sort of semi-organized syndicate. It also involves multiple 17-year-olds, which leads us to believe there was zero chance of them getting busted.
Complex Says: Look, we get salty too when we're offered five pesos for our week-old, barely-played copy of Bayonetta for trade-in. But isn't going in with the shotty a little extra?
GRAND THEFT AUTO: JUNIOR EDITION
The Circumstances: A badass kid steals a car—yeah, not the first time we've heard that one, word to Latarian Milton. In this case, though, the thief is six years old and in Virginia. The kid misses his bus, so he takes the keys to the family Taurus and drives himself six miles towards school, eventually ending up in a ditch. He credits Grand Theft Auto for teaching him how to drive. The parents are charged with child endangerment, while the kid wins five internets for the day.
Complex Says: Give the kid some props for being self-motivated enough to get his parents charged with a crime in the name of education. He should be made into an unlockable character in GTA V!
The Circumstances: Raymundo Castaneda is wanted for murder after killing a man in North Carolina, and he's on the run. When the cops finally track him to a Wal-Mart in Jacksonville, though, he isn't knocking down shoppers to try and escape the authorities—he's standing in front of a TV, playing Guitar Hero. Instead of submitting to the punishment that is "Through the Fire and Flames" on Expert, however, he let the police lead him away.
Complex Says: Fuck jail, just deport the dude. We're sure some Norwegian death metal bands would like what he has to offer.
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