Got any weekend plans? We hear there's some contrived holiday we're supposed to buy shit for on Sunday, but we ain't really paying attention to that mushy-mushy mess. Seriously, why hit up the card or flower shop when there's so much dope TV to watch? But just in case you do have some plans with wifey, we've separated the boob tube wheat from the chaff with only the best for the weekend ahead...

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COMEDY PREMIERE: HOW TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA, HBO, 10 PM SUNDAY
• Yeah, we've got high expectations for this show, and why not? It stars the homies Kid Cudi and Bryan Greenberg, is set in all the downtown hipster spots we hang out at have been 86ed from, and features the statuesque Lake Bell. Don't sleep.

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picks_soup

COMEDY: THE SOUP, E!, 10 PM FRIDAY
• Find yourself at home at 10 on a Friday? Ok, so you're lame, but at least you can watch the hilarious Joel McHale skewer the most vapid TV moments of the week. And if you happen to have a life, just record, and you've got the perfect come down once you roll home at 3 am.

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picks_cinemax

MOVIE: ALIEN SEX FILES 3: SHE ALIEN, CINEMAX, MIDNIGHT FRIDAY
• Speaking of being home on a Friday night, remember the good ol' days before you had the Internet and the fake ID to buy copies of Barely Legal: Skeevy and Scratchy at your local Barnes & Noble, and the only way to sate your porn jones was to wait for the folks to go to sleep and sneak downstairs for a little Skinemax? Yeah, 2009 seems so 2009 to us, too, but you can still give the Spankwire a rest tonight, with this classic from the Alien Sex Files series. We'll just plagiarize TV Guide for the synopsis: "Scientists use alien DNA to create a "sex"-traterrestrial who escapes from them and goes on a carnal rampage." Bangbangbangbangbangbang.

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picks_vultures

MUSIC: AUSTIN CITY LIMITS, HISTORY, 9 PM ET SATURDAY
Austin City Limits? Like, the live country music show your Aunt Pootie used to make you watch? Yes, one and the same, except the act this week is Them Crooked Vultures, the rock supergroup consisting of Dave Grohl, Josh Homme, and the immortal John Paul Jones. If we have to tell you which bands those guys were members of, go back to Pootie's before the Lawrence Welk Show marathon ends.

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picks_wall

SPORTS: TENNESSEE @ KENTUCKY, ESPN, 9 PM ET SATURDAY
• Sure, NBA All-Star Saturday Night is popping off on TNT during this time slot, but face it, the dunk contest has been hit-or-miss for a while now. DVR/TiVo that shit, and instead watch an actual game featuring two Top 25 college teams, not to mention the most entertaining basketball player in the world not named Kobe or LeBron.

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