It's April 20, and you know what that means: the 352nd anniversary of Jews being granted freedom of religion in New Amsterdam! Wait, no, that's not the only thing. We know there's something else we're supposed to be remembering. Damn it, we could concentrate if those cookies didn't smell so freaking delicious. Yooooo, why isn't there a chocolate-chip cookie with Doritos baked right into them? Heh. "Baked." Man, you know what we could really go for? Some Robot Chicken. That show is straight piff. Wait...that's it! Chicken! No, wait, that's not it either. Hold on, we gotta check the calendar again. Calendar. Calendar. What kind of word is that, anyway?

THAT'S IT! It's 4/20, son! But instead of getting pleasantly lifted, take a few moments to think about the choice you're making. There have been plenty of anti-marijuana public service announcements over the years, all of which are aimed at ILLUMINATING YOUNGSTERS AS TO THE DANGERS OF THE EVIL HERB. Do they succeed? It's hard to tell—but that's mostly because we are blazed right now. So do the math yourself and check the cavalcade of weed-hating PSAs we rolled up for you...


"GATEWAY DRUG"

What It's Supposed To Say: Smoking weed is a fast track to meth-head status.
What It Actually Says: Yeah, weed. That's the problem. Living in a van on the beach has nothing to do with it.

CLICK NEXT TO WATCH MORE ANTI-WEED PSAS!

 


"BAD IDEA"

What It's Supposed To Say: Peer pressure is totes not worth it, yo!
What It Actually Says: Pulling the tail is foreplay in the bestiality world?

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"CANNABIS"

What It's Supposed To Say: Weed's effects might be more than you bargained for.
What It Actually Says: There's a reason we don't trust British schizophrenics.

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"PETE'S COUCH"

What It's Supposed To Say: Smoking weed and sitting on the couch with two of your friends is a fast road to nowhere.
What It Actually Says: Sitting on the couch with two of your friends is actually kinda suspect looking. Isn't there a chair somewhere? Huffman Pause!

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"HUGGIN' THE BLOCK"

What It's Supposed To Say: You got to git up, git out and do something.
What It Actually Says: Spoken word FUCKING SUCKS. Maybe if she hit that L she'd be too relaxed to get all sanctimonious.

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"WHATEVER"

What It's Supposed To Say: This guy has his shit together. The stoners in the back do not.
What It Actually Says: This dude is talking to hella girls at a party and still ends up driving his friends home? Smarten up, Sean Kingston.

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"MAN'S BEST FRIEND"

What It's Supposed To Say: You've gotta be some kind of friend to give your friend the straight dope.
What It Actually Says: You've gotta be smoking some kind of dope to think man's best friend is talking.

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"TMNT TO THE RESCUE"

What It's Supposed To Say: A well-timed zinger is all it takes to shrug off the oppressive mantle of peer pressure!
What It Actually Says: If we took all our advice from Asian-fetishizing freaks, we'd be out $3,000.

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"HIGH FOR A NIGHT, SLOW FOR A MONTH"

What It's Supposed To Say: Weed lasts longer than you might think. *minor chord*!
What It Actually Says: Dude, we should blow some haze and put on Foot Fist Way.

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"SLOW DOWN, CHICA!"

What It's Supposed To Say: Marijuana may very well lower your inhibitions to the point that you do something that compromises your morals and your reputation—without even remembering it! ZOMG GET BACK DEVIL WEED.
What It Actually Says: Don't let your daughters hang around Miley Cyrus. That bitch is crazy!

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"THE NOXIOUS WEED"

What It's Supposed To Say: Marijuana is the "hula hoop of the Jet Generation." Real talk, what does that even mean?
What It Actually Says: Kanye really needs to slow down with his video concepts. This one doesn't even make any sense.

CLICK NEXT TO WATCH MORE ANTI-WEED PSAS!

 


"HOW A 13-YEAR-OLD SEES THE WORLD"

What It's Supposed To Say: Adults smoking weed? That's CRAZY! What kind of person could enjoy recreational use of a non-addictive naturally occurring plant and not turn into a shiftless degenerate?
What It Actually Says: Buying weed at the deli? Whoever made this ad remembers how NYC was before Giuliani.