In his weekly column, rapper John Brown'the self-proclaimed "King Of Da Burbz"'will be offering his insight into politics and current events to the Complex readers. Check out "Politickin With John Brown" every Thursday.
Hillary's officially back in the building, bitches! I applaud Obama's decision to select her for international diplomacy. I've always felt that sending in a sophisticated woman to engage in tough negotiations is far more affective than sending in the goons. But there's a lot of work to be done. So here's some tips to help us win back the affection of the world community...
#5: TAKE DONATIONS FOR THE CLINTON FOUNDATION
• There's no telling how long this gig is gonna last, so she better make it worthwhile. Access to every foreign dignitary is a great way to curry favor for donations. It's a win-win situation for everyone. For a small monetary gift, world leaders gain special treatment for their agendas while pumping short-term money into the world economy.
# 4: EMBRACE EUROPEAN CULTURE
• After years of being insulted as "Old Europe", it's crucial for Hillary to embrace our allies. To start, she could stage a photo-op at an Amsterdam coffee shop with Obama's half brother or American hero, Michael Phelps, to show international solidarity for cultural pastimes. And per David Shuster's suggestion, she could even pimp out Chelsea, literally.
#3: OFFER BILL'S "EXPERTISE"
• Although Hillary is clearly a capable diplomat, it's no secret that part of her appeal is having Bill's expertise. As a gesture of goodwill, Bill could interview potential interns for foreign leaders and identify the ones most dedicated to satisfying their boss. He could also entertain diplomats' wives while Hillary discusses business.
#2: EXPEDITE BUSH AND CHENEY TO THE HAGUE
• After arranging for their war crimes indictment, Hillary could make the UN blush by quoting the internationally celebrated Tupac Shakur: "Revenge is the sweetest thing next to getting..."
#1: END THE IRAQI WAR
• Obama just recently admitted that he "screwed up" by nominating tax-evading Tom Daschle to his cabinet. Even though she already payed the price with the election, Hillary could repent for her politically miscalculated vote to go to War and end this bizarre, disturbing chapter. Not only would it rectify our image, but it might also help her sleep at night.