9 Ways Scott Storch Can Double His Wealth

When news of Scott Storch's bankruptcy became official this past week, a sadness filled our hearts. This is one of modern music's great hitmakers, and he was chewed up and spit out by the industry trappings of fame and fortune. Scott claims he has only $3,600 in assets left: $3,000 of that is from a watch, $500 in clothes, and $100 in cash. He also has a few million dollars in debt—but that's not going anywhere fast.

Long-term, we're sure he'll be okay: the man is a classically trained pianist who was once charging six figures per beat. Now that he's bottomed out, things can only go up from here. But Scott needs a couple quick cash grabs to get back on his feet before tackling this second chapter of life, and we have some ideas. So lean back and think about it, because these are nine ways he could double (or quintuple) up on that $3,600.

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2. Sell 15 Pairs of Beats Headphones.

3. Sell four Instagram posts

4. Eat a punch from Kanye West

5. Get a lot of Coke...Cans

One surefire and painfully slow way to amass wealth is by collecting cans. It's honest work—I remember diligently feeding glass bottles and aluminum cans to the machine outside the supermarket from a very young age, really feeling like I was earning my keep. Granted, I was 10, but shit, Scott, we gotta start somewhere. At five cents a pop (ten if you go to Michigan!), it would take 72,000 cans to double up your current holdings. Better get digging!

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7. DJ five weddings

8. Become a sign walker for two months

While some of these options might require a little maneuvering on the part of Storch (you can't just walk on to the set of Celebrity Apprentice, hello), a part-time gig on the side is a sure-fire way to get the cash flowing. Miami needs sign walkers, and it's a low barrier to entry. At $9/hour, Storch could be doubling his assets in a matter of weeks, and acquiring some sweet spinning skills on the side.

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10. Sue Birdman

There's got to be some kind of legal drama behind the Storch produced "You Ain’t Know," right? Birdman is rich as fuck, riding around in private jets. And he's currently dealing with a Lil Wayne lawsuit that could cost $51 million. So what's a measly $3,000 lawsuit from Storch? That's approximately .006% of a Wayne lawsuit, and Birdman probably spends that much on belts every few hours.

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12. Start a Kickstarter

We've seen plenty of established musicians and actors ask the public to fund their pet projects in the last few years, so why not you, Scott? Sure, the "project description" might not be the most sympathetic backstory in the world, but we're confident there are enough fans out there to generate a little cash flow. Just be careful when choosing the donation rewards: do not, I repeat DO NOT promise any more diamonds or cars.

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14. Participate in 120 College Psych Studies

I did this for a few months when times were tight, and I got two words for you, Scott: easy money. Sure, you might only be making about $30 a pop, but the process is pretty simple and painless: You go in to the lab, some nice meek grad student sits you down and asks you a bunch of questions while you're hooked up to electrodes, and you receive a slight electrical shock depending on your answers. Did I say painless? I mean painful—but the shocks aren't too intense, and they only last for a few seconds. Think of it as a key bump for your nerve endings.

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16. Become a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice

This one seems obvious. You're Scott Storch, a young genius with horrible financial management skills. This is the perfect opportunity to shove it in all the haters' faces: take on similarly wily celebs in a reality show smackdown. Besides making for great TV, you'd take home $16,000 for yourself. And maybe, just maybe, the Donald will finally find his dream producer.

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