1.
2. Sell 15 Pairs of Beats Headphones.
3. Sell four Instagram posts
4. Eat a punch from Kanye West
5. Get a lot of Coke...Cans
One surefire and painfully slow way to amass wealth is by collecting cans. It's honest work—I remember diligently feeding glass bottles and aluminum cans to the machine outside the supermarket from a very young age, really feeling like I was earning my keep. Granted, I was 10, but shit, Scott, we gotta start somewhere. At five cents a pop (ten if you go to Michigan!), it would take 72,000 cans to double up your current holdings. Better get digging!
6.
7. DJ five weddings
8. Become a sign walker for two months
While some of these options might require a little maneuvering on the part of Storch (you can't just walk on to the set of Celebrity Apprentice, hello), a part-time gig on the side is a sure-fire way to get the cash flowing. Miami needs sign walkers, and it's a low barrier to entry. At $9/hour, Storch could be doubling his assets in a matter of weeks, and acquiring some sweet spinning skills on the side.
9.
10. Sue Birdman
There's got to be some kind of legal drama behind the Storch produced "You Ain’t Know," right? Birdman is rich as fuck, riding around in private jets. And he's currently dealing with a Lil Wayne lawsuit that could cost $51 million. So what's a measly $3,000 lawsuit from Storch? That's approximately .006% of a Wayne lawsuit, and Birdman probably spends that much on belts every few hours.
11.
12. Start a Kickstarter
We've seen plenty of established musicians and actors ask the public to fund their pet projects in the last few years, so why not you, Scott? Sure, the "project description" might not be the most sympathetic backstory in the world, but we're confident there are enough fans out there to generate a little cash flow. Just be careful when choosing the donation rewards: do not, I repeat DO NOT promise any more diamonds or cars.
13.
14. Participate in 120 College Psych Studies
I did this for a few months when times were tight, and I got two words for you, Scott: easy money. Sure, you might only be making about $30 a pop, but the process is pretty simple and painless: You go in to the lab, some nice meek grad student sits you down and asks you a bunch of questions while you're hooked up to electrodes, and you receive a slight electrical shock depending on your answers. Did I say painless? I mean painful—but the shocks aren't too intense, and they only last for a few seconds. Think of it as a key bump for your nerve endings.
15.
16. Become a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice
This one seems obvious. You're Scott Storch, a young genius with horrible financial management skills. This is the perfect opportunity to shove it in all the haters' faces: take on similarly wily celebs in a reality show smackdown. Besides making for great TV, you'd take home $16,000 for yourself. And maybe, just maybe, the Donald will finally find his dream producer.