How to Truly Enjoy a Concert

Preferably on an iPad, the biggest one you can get your hands on. If you're using your iPhone camera, post that video up on your Snap Story! Making your snap story 300+ seconds long really let's your Snapchat friends feel like they're there at the concert with you. Later, make sure that you upload the entire video, in its terrible sound quality glory, on to YouTube. Or, if you are feeling particularly artistic, upload the thing onto Vimeo!

In addition to being tall, you should also:

a) stand as close to the stage as physically possible

b) make sure shorter people are standing behind you.

Sway. Have big hair, wear a hat, or do both. Additionally, while you are extremely tall and blocking the view of other concert-goers, be completely, utterly unapologetic. The people behind you might have a group average height of 5 foot 3 but don't sweat it. It's their fault for not being as tall as you.

If you have not been genetically gifted with above average height, have no fear. Simply push your way to the front while yelling a random name. Obviously, everyone will believe that your friend has been saving your spot at the front. Tip: use a uncommon name; you don't want every Becky and Jordan to respond to your calls. If someone calls your bluff and refuses to get out of the way, at this point your only option is to keep your head down and simply push through them like a rhinoceros. They're the ones being rude because you obviously have a friend waiting for you.

Take pictures, not of the band, but of yourself. Make sure your social media followers are aware that you are currently at a concert. And don't forget that Instagram location/Snapchat geotag! After remembering that the set might have started, turn that camera from selfie mode back to just regular camera and start snapping pictures.

Completely disregard the "No Flash Photography" signs. They're just suggestions. If anyone bothers you about using your flash, just say that you have a press pass. When prompted to show said press pass, fumble around while you huff and puff. You have important business to handle.

You had the mixtape before the first mixtape. You knew the band when they were still practicing in a garage. Insist you knew about them before anyone else. Assert your musical dominance. Extra points for complaining about the latecomers. Lament.

Also, if you know all the words, sing along! Do it loudly, so the people around you all hear how well you know the lyrics.

This one is obvious.The crowd will enjoy this. The security guards will enjoy this. But most importantly, you will enjoy this.

Loiter at the bar. Mark your post, making sure that people who want to just get in and get out will have a terribly hard time doing so. Chat up the bartender. If they seem like they're busy and don't really want to talk, take that as a challenge. Complain about the drinks, how fast they're being made. Complain about anything.

Pro-tip: complaining about things completely outside of the bartender's control will win you extra brownie points (for example the sound quality). If you leave, make sure to first spill your drink all over the bar so anyone who goes the bar will smell like beer or liquor for the rest of the night. Then turn around and spill your drink on anyone in your way, and also on the ground so everyone can stick to the floor for the remainder of the night.

After the show, don't go home. While everyone else is scrambling to leave the venue, just stay and impede the flow of traffic.

You're not really enjoying yourself unless your entire concert experience is being narrated. Tell your friend, or even the people around you, your opinion on everything. Disappointed that your favorite song isn't on the setlist? Complain about it! Should the vocals be louder? Is the bass too high? Try to persuade others to start a mutiny. Yell as loud as you can at the band. They'll absolutely give in to your demands.

If you have long hair, swing it around. Extra points if you're able to hit other people's faces with your hair. Swing your hair while simultaneously jumping up and belting out the song lyrics. It really doesn't matter if you only know the chorus of the song—just mumble the other lyrics. Spatial awareness isn't required for this because stepping on other people is all a part of the fun. Ruin their new shoes! Get dirt on their jeans! Rock 'n' roll!

They'll understand, because you're just having a really great time. You're the funnest person in the room.

Quickly capitalize on the streams of people trying to quickly exit the venue. Get in their way and get in their faces. Make sure that they know what they're missing out on if they decline your mixtape. Tell them that you're on the come-up, you ARE going to blow up, and they're going to regret missing out. If you do find some unsuspecting people who accept it, score! Make sure to charge anyone who accepts it.