10 Signs You're Getting Old

Getting older sucks. One minute you're out dancing all night, taking shots, listening to obnoxiously loud music, and next thing you know, you're getting an email from Netflix like, "Congrats! You've watched our entire catalog. Get a life." It's a switch that flips without warning, and it can be incredibly harsh. While some aspects of aging are less obvious, the way you relate to music is one area where your older age becomes painfully apparent. From skipping encores to beat traffic to being really nervous about crowd-surfing, here are some signs you're getting older. Grab your reading glasses.

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2. You look up pictures of a venue before a show so you can plan where you stand.

There was a time when someone would text me, "Meet me at the bar on Spring and Bowery," and I'd go, no questions asked. I didn't need to know what the vibe was like, what light appetizers they had, if the A.C. would be on and if so, if it would be cold enough that I'd need a light jacket.

Now, I need deets because I'm past the point in my life where surprises are cute, especially when it comes to my concert viewing experience. I don't want to walk in and find out I've just entered a time machine and I'm suddenly back in a club from the '80s, complete with a fog machine and disco ball. I want to know where the closest bathroom is, where the bar is, and where the closest exit is. I mean, just last week I called a venue I was unfamiliar with to see if they had SEATING. I'm 26. I don't need to sit, but after a long day when my feet are hurting and maybe I'm a little dehydrated because I didn't drink enough water, I like to know I at least have the option.

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4. You leave before the encore so you can beat the crowds.

You know when the encore is coming. The crowd is cheering and everyone is buzzing about what song the artist is going to play. But you? You're quietly slipping through the crowd to the door because there's no way in HELL you're getting stuck trying to leave at the same time as everybody else. It doesn't matter if they resurrected Tupac and the Dali Lama is making an appearance and they're also handing out Hot Pockets to everyone, you are not waiting to the end of that encore to leave. Because you're old enough now to know that your sanity is more valuable than anything. Even Hot Pockets.

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6. Instead of getting excited by "the drop," you get startled by it.

I went to EDC when I was 22 and I actually had a great time. No sarcasm. People were happy, it was a nice day out, I didn't get sunburned, it was fun. I even saw the appeal in the music because people went nuts when the beat dropped. That was almost 5 years ago. Last week I was in H&M and Calvin Harris' new song came on and I honesty jumped a little when the beat dropped. I'd probably have an all out panic attack at a Skrillex concert.

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8. The thought of going to a crowded concert gives you severe anxiety

Remember when you'd see a Facebook event or flyer that'd advertise for a concert with something like, "Get your tickets fast, this is going to be jam-packed!" and that would actually entice you? And each second you waited, the potential FOMO only grew and grew. You had to go, and the more people there, the better.

LOL. Not anymore. Now when you scan your Twitter timeline and see everyone tweeting about the same concert you were planning on going to, you start freaking out. After weighing all the options, you finally just give up and decide to spend another night with Netflix and soup. No concert is worth that invasion of personal space, that many people bumping into you, and the possibility of running into someone who you can mute on Twitter, but not in real life.

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10. The local soft-rock station is one of your radio presets.

I work with kids when I'm not music blogging and the other day I was worn the fuck out. I was so tired, I couldn't even bring myself to listen to the Rich Gang mixtape and instead I chose to play a Pandora radio based on Train. TRAIN. When you create a radio present like that, you're like two cups of prune juice away from listening to just straight up talk radio.

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12. You bring lawn chairs to a festival.

Music festivals are exhausting. You move from stage to stage and spend all day on your feet. And that's all great and fun when your knees are in perfect shape and your back doesn't hurt and you don't have tension headaches anytime the sound reaches a certain volume. But your knees are in bad shape and your back does hurt and you do get those stupid tension headaches. So fuck it. This year you're not going to put yourself through pain. You're bringing lawn chairs and you're going to enjoy the concert from a nice, calm area, and you're going to love it. Because you're getting older and this is your reality.

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14. When you see someone crowd-surfing, you start dialing 911.

You, when you were 16 and saw someone jump from the stage and be carried through the crowd:

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You now, when you see someone jump from the stage and be carried through the crowd:

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17. You have no idea how to use Spotify. Or Beats Music. Or iTunes really.

Things like Spotify or Beats Music sound like a great idea. You have access to almost any song by artist right at your fingertips. But then you try and use them and it's like honestly what in the fuck is going on. Then once you start to figure it out, a new streaming service comes along and you have to teach yourself a whole new system all over again.

But you can deal with all that until you realize your Spotify is secretly linked with your Facebook and you have NO clue how to disconnect it. So now after all your troubles, that weird kid from your old high school Biology class knows that Celine Dion is one of your top artists and you have a radio station based on Bon Jovi. FML.

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19. You have to explain to younger kids what mix CDs were.

Just like when we had no idea what 8-track tapes were, there will be a terrible moment when you meet some little kid who has no idea what a CD is. They won't know what it's like to download songs off Limewire, carefully order them into a perfect playlist, burn the playlist onto a CD, and then put said CD into your Discman or boombox and enjoy.

And so you will have to explain this to them and while you are explaining and getting all caught up in nostalgia, they'll probably be snapchatting their friends like, "OMG can she not?" And when you're all done with your trip down memory lane, they will say something like, "That sounds like a LOT of work," and a little part of you will die inside. And then you will probably fall and break your hip.

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21. Concerts that start after 10pm aren't cool. They're exhausting.

In college you body does this crazy thing where it bounces back no matter what you put it through. You could do 21 Jägerbombs at 2am, then roll out of bed 5 hours later for your morning class and your body's all, "K." Now if I stay up for How To Get Away With Murder at 10pm, my body's like, "ROFL you wild animal!" My body is a dick. So staying up for a concert that starts after 10pm is like a rare and mythical occurrence once you hit a certain age. I don't know, honestly I need to end this blurb here because I'm exhausted even thinking about the idea of a 10pm set time.

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