I don’t “get” Lady Gaga. I probably never will. I didn’t get her egg arrival at the 2011 Grammys, I didn’t get when she was “Jo Calderone” at the 2011 MTV VMAs, I didn’t get her meat dress or the time she had those bizarre shoulder implants. I know, I know—she’s an artist, but so are Fiona Apple, Lykke Li, and Adele, and they don’t need to wear a flying dress to prove it. Maybe I’m simple-minded, but maybe I just prefer my rockstars with a little more substance and fewer stunts.

Anyway, if I was confused by Gaga before I’m just straight up dumbfounded by her now. Last night during her SXSW performance, the singer was rolled out on stage tied to a barbecue spit, poured beer on herself, and then proceeded to have a woman puke on her not once, but 10 times. I don’t know, guys. I give up. I’m going to go crawl under my desk and listen to Extraordinary Machine for the rest of the day.

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