By Joyce Ng

We here at Pigeons & Planes are comprised of an eclectic group of individuals. We like to supplement our blogging with other hobbies to ensure we are well-rounded humans. Confusion, for example, likes to collect images of Lykke Li. I like to cook and bake. So you can imagine my excitement when I first heard a track by Action Bronson.

One day, I had an incredible epiphany: I should combine my love for music with my love for food. Taking Bam Bam’s food references, I decided to test them out. From the P&P test kitchen to your kitchen, here are eight dishes inspired by Action Bronson’s food references.

Hit “next” or click the image to get our interpretation of Bronsolino’s best recipes…

“Fridge is filled with Snapple/Southern coast of France/Tart fennel with the apple”

Song: “Jar of Drugs” (Single)
Ingredients: grannysmith apples, puff pastry, sugar, fennel, milk

I hate most things licorice, so I saw this “tart fennel with the apple” bit as a challenge. What the fuck does “tart fennel with the apple” mean, anyway? Well, I’m not quite sure. So, I took the liberty of rearranging these lyrics into “apple with the fennel tart” instead.

Layering sliced apples onto a sheet of thawed puff dough, and stirring in blanched fennel into caramel before pouring it onto the pastry, I created a flaky tart, sweet, yet bitter. Even after rearranging the words, I’m not quite sure this one made sense. Action Bronson, care to explain what the fuck “tart fennel with the apple” should taste like?

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Edible gold, because even though it’s got no real taste, at $90 per gram, it also makes everything taste better.

“Bone marrow roasted/Spread it on the rosemary bread lightly toasted/Drizzle with the vinaigrette”

Song: “Steve Wynn” (Blue Chips)
Ingredients: beef bones, olive oil, rosemary bread, balsamic vinegar, olive oil

Vegetarians, this is your cue to look away and reassess your life because you choose not to eat bacon.

Bone marrow isn’t something I use very often. I’ve only ever come across it for soups and stocks, so to roast it and use it as a spread, though simple to execute, was somewhat daunting. But yes, beef bones (you’ll find them at the butcher’s, usually called “beef soup bones”) were seasoned and roasted at 425°C for 20 minutes. The rosemary bread, lightly toasted, and the vinaigrette, drizzled.

To consume this nightmare of every animal rights’ activist, you scoop out the marrow and smother it on the bread. Now, I’m Chinese. I’ve eaten all sorts of weird shit; from toad to snake, I’ve almost had it all. But the texture of the marrow wasn’t what I had expected. Think aspic crossed with pâté. It was weird. It also smelled a little, sort of like raw ground beef, but that was mostly masked by the balsamic. Overall, it would be a nice little snack if you’re an open-minded eater. Otherwise, it’ll probably be best for you to just stick with your chips and dip.

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Aceto Balsamico ($100-300 per bottle)

“Dope body, but her pussy’s like a cold fish/The antipasti is a cold dish”

Song: “Steve Wynn” (Blue Chips)
Ingredients: lettuce, garbanzo and kidney beans, salami, provolone, Roma tomatoes, red wine vinegar, olive oil, honey

Instead of going with the classic antipasti platter (because how the fuck am I going to finish a platter?), I went with a less traditional antipasto (singular) salad. Antipasto means “before the meal,” so making a salad is fitting. Chances are, Action Bronson would scowl at my salad and say something obscene, comparing lettuce to some lady bit, but again, how the fuck am I going to finish a platter?

Combining three types of lettuce (butter, romaine, and iceberg) with garbanzo (“chick peas”) and kidney beans, salami (any Italian cured meat would do), provolone, and Roma tomatoes with a red wine vinaigrette (red wine vinegar, olive oil, honey, salt, and pepper), it was a lighter alternative to the platter. I hate olives, so I opted out, but sliced Kalamata olives would’ve been a good addition (if olives didn’t taste like ass).

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Throw in some beluga sturgeon caviar for good measure (24-carat tin for $26,000).

“Got the lamb rack roasted/Laced it with fennel/Little yogurt that been drizzled over might be a winner”

Song: “Double Breasted” (Blue Chips)
Ingredients: lamb loins (or rack, leg, etc.), fennel seeds, Greek yogurt, lemons, thyme, chilli flakes, garlic

Did your mouth water too when you first heard that line off of “Double Breasted?” Instead of a whole lamb rack (because that’s fucking expensive and I am a tiny person), I marinated some chunks of lamb loin in Greek yogurt, thyme, fennel seeds, chili flakes, and lots and lots of garlic (I’m a terrible dinner date due to my love for strong flavors). After about an hour of letting the meat marinate, I threw the loins on the grill. Hell yeah, I BBQ. Queen of the grill, bitches.

After cooking the lamb to a nice medium rare (slightly pink in the middle), I plated and served it with the same mixture I marinated the lamb in. And yes, I drizzled it on, and it was a winner.

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Deveronvale Perfection, a sheep that was purchased for $392,000 due to its “strong physical attributes.” You are going to buy him. And you are going to eat him.

“Get seared up like fucking salmon”

Song: “White Silk” (Well-Done)
Ingredients: salmon, balsamic vinegar, lemons, brown sugar

I’m from the West Coast, so I have access to lots of salmon. Delicious and healthy with all its omega-3 fatty acids… but health is not our concern, and I’m almost certain that it isn’t Bronson’s either.

The filets were seasoned with salt and pepper before being thrown onto the pan (skin-side down first) at medium heat. After it’s cooked on the other side too, remove the salmon. Make a balsamic glaze with balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, and brown sugar in the still-hot pan, and voilà: fucking salmon that got seared.

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Pacific salmon, because they’re near extinction, and you have the money for it. Fuck sustainability.

“Checkmate/You’re like a Spanish roasted chicken/Break your chest plate”

Song: “Muslim Wedding” (Single)
Ingredients: chicken thighs, smoked paprika, cumin, cayenne, parsley, lemon juice, garlic, small roasting potatoes

Chicken is one of the most versatile meats in existence, and it’s difficult to fuck up. I don’t quite know what it means to refer to someone as Spanish roasted chicken, but I can only assume it’s a good thing because Spanish roasted chicken is delectable.

The recipe I found was fairly straightforward, containing a small number of ingredients. The chicken thighs (breasts often dry out quickly, so thighs are the safest bet) were seasoned with smoked paprika, cumin, and cayenne pepper (I love spicy food… so much), and sprinkled the meat with some coarsely chopped parsley and lemon juice. Probably one of Action Bronson’s tastier food references.

The potatoes were crisp on the outside and flaky on the inside, the garlic was crunchy due to the high heat, and the chicken had a good amount of spice and was so goddamn tender.

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Chicken from Yuyao, China, as the breeder plays violin compositions by Mozart to his flock, and they’re sold for $216 per chicken.

“Fuck rap/Laying back/Eating poutine”

Song: “Tapas” (Blue Chips)
Ingredients: cheese curds, potatoes, beef stock, flour, butter

It’s already rare for rappers to reference food, but a French Canadian speciality? I figured I should represent my country with this dish. For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, poutine is comprised of three main components: fries, cheese curds, and gravy. Hot gravy and gooey cheese on top of fries is where it’s at.

I’ve never fried fries before, because the idea of piping hot oil terrifies me. But making your own fries, eating them fresh – that’s serious luxury. The only thing I have a problem with is soggy fries, but that’s inevitable when smothered in gravy. In any case, I’m just glad that Action Bronson is cultured enough to know about poutine. And Canada.

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: Moose House cheese from Bjurholm, Sweden, made from the milk of three rare moose cows ($500/pound), and add some iron with giant chunks of Wagyū Kobe steak ($200/pound, if the Wagyū cattle is raised in Kobe, Japan).

“Jalapeño cream cheese on the raisin bread/That’s for breakfast”

Song: “103 and Roosy” (Blue Chips)
Ingredients: Raisin bread, cream cheese, jalapeño peppers

Here’s a breakfast suggestion from Action Bronson that I would actually take. Some may consider that whole sweet/savoury thing adventurous, but this pairing of flavours is fairly ubiquitous nowadays, so don’t be such a picky eater. There’s not much to it – grab yourself some extra thick-sliced raisin bread and jalapeño cream cheese, spread that shit, and prepare yourself for a fucking delicious snack.

I don’t know if my country is boringly conservative in the kitchen, but, for whatever reason, jalapeño cream cheese does not exist in Canada. Philadelphia Cream Cheese does not seem make a jalapeño flavour. In the event that America hasn’t uncovered the joys of jalapeño cream cheese either, buy yourself a jalapeño, mince it up (DO NOT TOUCH YOUR EYES AFTER UNLESS YOU’VE WASHED YOUR HANDS THOROUGHLY – I made this mistake because I am the most forgetful person to ever exist and my eyes burned like a motherfucker), and mix it into room temperature cream cheese. I also used two jalapeños, though I’m sure one would’ve sufficed. But fuck it, YOLO, right? Make sure your slice of raisin bread is toasted, too, for a nice contrast in texture and for an easier time spreading that delightful concoction. This shit will not disappoint.

Ingredients to buy if you’re a rap superstar: cream cheese made from the endangered cattle you keep in a secret farm in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, and raisin bread baked by nuns made with grapes picked and dried by the Sunripe maid.

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