1.
Watching Madonna at the Ultra Music Festival was straight up embarrassing. She’s 53-years-old, and as much of an icon as she is, her attempt to attach herself to a scene that she’s not a part of was shameful. We get it Madge, you want to be included in this EDM movement. Your MDNA album title was really clever, and by asking the audience “How many of you have seen molly?” you really showed that you know what’s up.
Not everyone is happy with the drug innuendo, though. The issue with Madge’s corny molly reference wasn’t just that drugs are bad, etc. More than that, it was obnoxious that an almost washed up pop star would come into a young, emerging scene and spit out one of the most cliché references to what many see as a small, negative aspect of the scene—a scene which is finally getting some mainstream attention after years of mostly negative coverage for being a drug-infested crowd.
Deadmau5 reacted, taking to Facebook to vent: “seriously, i giveth not a fucking single FUCK for slating on madonna for reaching an entirely NEW level of idiocy … i can appriciate her meteoric career, and all good deeds done, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? That’s your big contribution to EDM? Thats your big message to ultra attendies? hipsterspeak for looking for drugs? fuck off you fucking IDIOT. fuck.”
In a weird, non-intentional way, maybe Madonna actually helped make molly not cool, but I doubt that was her goal. Instead, it’s painfully obvious that she’s trying to make herself seem relevant, and the cheerleader-pop anthems and Super Bowl shit shows aren’t enough, so she’s adding that much-needed edge and looking to appeal to a new audience. The problem? It didn’t work. Here are some other great things she could do to attempt an edgy coolness.
1. Change her name to “A$AP Madonna.”
2. Make a sex tape with Lindsay Lohan.
3. Walk in on her 15-year-old daughter’s party, flash her boobs, scream, and throw a handful of molly capsules into the air.
4. Get an ironic tattoo, wear those pants that have a really low-hanging crotch area—the ones that Europeans and cool, fashion-forward kids wear.
5. Instead of explaining herself or trying to justify the corny molly reference, just wear a “Fuck Deadmau5” shirt to her next concert.
6. Try to appeal to the hip-hop crowd by going to a rap festival and asking, “How many of u r sippin’ on dat lean?”
7. Make a sex tape with Avicii.
8. Start wearing Supreme, make a song with Odd Future.
9. Claim that the molly reference was sarcastic, distance herself from the EDM scene, state that EDM is for losers who have poor taste and need drugs to make the repetitive, robotic music enjoyable.
10. Ditch molly, bring back sherm.
Good luck, Madonna!
