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Every time a rapper gets arrested, there are “Free (insert rapper name)” campaigns, complete with shirts, stickers, songs, and tributes to the lives of these individuals – well, mostly just shirts. (“Free Gucci!” or “Free Prodigy!” or “Free T.I.!”) I always make fun of it, because it seems senseless to demand immunity from punishment just because these people are famous rappers.
But tomorrow, Lil Wayne goes to jail, and it hit me. How can you arrest Lil Wayne? We need to stand up to this, people. We can’t hold Lil Wayne to our petty, human laws. For a gun? Shit, expecting Lil Wayne to abide by the laws is as ridiculous as expecting Allen Iverson to go to practice – fucking practice, not the game – practice. I’m just glad they aren’t making him cut his hair. This giggling goblin still greets me in my nightmares.
In all seriousness, I’ll miss Wayne’s presence for the next
year however long they decide to hold him, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s recorded enough material to hold us over for the next 3 centuries. Locking him up in a cell on Rikers Island may be the only possible way to give Dwayne a much needed break. Good luck, Lil Wayne, we’ll miss you, and we’ll be wearing our “Free Weezy” shirts until your return.
Update: Lil Wayne will not go to jail today. He had a toothache, and it requires dental surgery. So he will go to jail in March instead. No, I’m not joking.