Image via Complex Original
Earlier this week, we got word that Kanye West, Pusha T, Jadakiss, and Big Sean are all getting on the remix for Chief Keef’s Internet banger “I Don’t Like.” And while we’re looking forward to hearing something new from the latest buzz-worthy Chicago rapper, we must admit that we’re a little more hyped for Ye’s verse more than anybody else's.
Over the years Kanye has proven that he can be downright hilarious when talking about things he doesn’t like. So just imagine what he could do on a whole song devoted to the topic! In fact we were so excited that we decided to comb through some of Yeezy’s past lyrics, tweets, and quotes to put together this list of pet-peeve predictions: 20 Things Kanye West "Won't Like" On The "I Don't Like" Remix. Of course there's really no telling what will offend the Louis Vuitton Don, but we gave it our best shot.
Being Responsible For Water Bottles
Kanye is responsible for so many things; his rap label, his fashion line, his discontinued Twitter account. How much more can one man do? But when misguided stewardesses try to score extra Yeezy points by providing him with superfluous water bottles, that's the last straw. Yeezy's got 99 problems, don't make a water bottle No. 100.
Cucumber Bath Smell
"Take One For The Team" is like a fragrant bouquet of hate. One of the G.O.O.D Fridays tracks that didn't made the cut for MBDTF, "Take One" runs through a litany of pet peeves. From "Pictures of other peoples' kids" to "plastic couches in other peoples' cribs," Ye moves on to olfactory issues. "I hate when other peoples' cribs smell like shit" he said, but even worse is when the stink lingers after you leave the crib. Later in the song Ye disparages scents like "Cool Water" and Victoria's Secret "Love Spell." But he saves his most passionate outburst for "that goddamn cucumber Bath & Body Works/I can still smell the sweat the shit hardly works."
Movies Without Mind Blowing Special Effects
Ye once tweeted about how he doesn't want to see any movies without "mind-blowing special effects #EVERAGAIN." We like effects too but damn—would he rather watch a Michael Bay movie than, say, a Martin Scorsese flick? (Hugo notwithstanding).
Dark Lipstick
Here's one we can all agree on: Ladies, stay off that dark lipstick. Seriously, who likes that shit? Sorry sweetie, but if you own a stick of dark lipstick we'll just assume you went through a goth phase (which probably included cutting yourself) or you're into S&M.
Unattractive Housekeepers
On "So Appalled" Kanye lamented, "'House keeping,' I mean God damn, one time let it be a bad bitch sweeping." Of course, it never is—always one of them sloppy chicks instead. Don't you hate that? Word to Dominique Strauss Kahn. This whole discussion is making us hate My Name Is Earl for casting Nadine Velazquez as a hotel maid. As if.
Cellphones
One of the more interesting tidbits that came to light during the whole "Where will French Montana sign?" saga was French revealing that he didn't want to sign to Kanye because Yeezy doesn't own a cellphone. Which is surprising because Ye's known for being on that futuristic shit. But then again, we don't really want French Montana calling us either. [Throws cell phone in the trash.]
Hipster Hats
When Complex EIC Noah Callahan-Bever took a trip to Hawaii to watch Kanye put together My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, he noticed a number of Yeezy's commandments taped on the studio wall, including "no photos," "no tweeting," and "No hipster hats." According to reputable sources (very reputable), the entire hipster community was offended by this last rule. Nevertheless ironic appreciation of Kanye is at an all time high in Williamsburg—so there's that.
Acoustic Guitars In The Studio
Another of the commandments in Kanye's Hawaii sessions was, "No acoustic guitars in the studio." Electric guitars—like the one used to play the solo on "Devil In a New Dress"? Awesome. But acoustic guitars are basically for MTV Unplugged, subway performers, and college douchebags who wanna bag chicks the easy way. We see you douchebags!
Uninvited Guests
Kanye once tweeted about how you should never show up by yourself without telling him. He'd later expand on this sentiment by declaring "Don't fuck nobody without telling me" on "No Church In The Wild." So umm yeah, we're guessing he'd be cool with more than a few things—just as long as you clear it through the chain of command.
DJs without Yeezy in their Serato
We get that Yeezy would be peeved at a DJ for not having his music, but his already-classic line from "Dark Fantasy" really doesn't make much sense. At this point in history, what self-respecting DJ doesn't have at least some Yeezy in their Serato? Like, what other music do you have?
Comic Sans Font
We understand Ye on this one, because we get emotional over fonts too. We literally just threw a computer out the window after a potential intern sent their resume written in "Corsiva." GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
Boyfriends That Get In The Way
Look, we know you want to be a good boyfriend and all, but there's no point getting in Kanye's way. If he wants to smash your girl—and if she's hot, he probably does—Ye's going to do it. It's like Ma$e said on "Lookin' At Me"—a song that Yeezy's definitely a fan of—"And if you got a girl, don't be real committed/Cause Ma$e will hit it. You got to deal with it." So you'd best prepare yourself mentally to either A) Let your girl cheat on you or B) Have a threesome like in Get Him To The Greek.
South Park
"Choke a South Park writer with a fish stick," kinda says it all no?
Working Retail
Little-known fact: Rappers totally have day jobs that don't involve drug dealing. Just ask Yeezy, who used to punch the clock at the Gap. Though he didn't seem to much enjoy it much. On his song "Spaceship" he fantasized about assaulting his manager. Guess it's safe to say, he ain't going back to folding khakis.
Award shows
While some people act all fake at awards shows, Kanye isn't afraid to show how he really feels—and not just during a post-show interview, either. We all know Ye's been known to run up on stage if he feels somebody (whether himself or anybody else) got robbed. And he said as much on the original version of "Diamonds From Sierra Leone": "I was sick about awards / Couldn't nobody cure me / Only playa that got robbed but kept all his jewelry..." He even addresses the critics who think he's just a sore loser: "Who complains about what he is owed? / And throw a tantrum like he is 3 years old / You gotta love it though somebody still speaks from his soul." He's got a point there. Who else keeps it realer?
PETA
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have been hawking Kanye for a minute now because of his love of fur coats. Still, Kanye stunts. And in true hip-hop fashion, he recently asked them to watch him floss on his new single, “Way Too Cold” (formerly "Theraflu.") “Tell PETA my mink is dragging to the floor,” he spits. Are they mad? Yes. Does he care? No.
Blood Diamonds
On the remix to his “Diamonds Are Forever,” 'Ye expresses his hate for Sierra Leone's brutal diamond trade. "Good morning, this ain't Vietnam, still / People lose hands, legs, arms for real." Kanye goes on to do some soul-searching later in the verse: "I thought my Jesus Piece was so harmless / 'Til I seen a picture of a shorty armless." Not that he's against wearing jewelry, but Kanye lets hip-hop's favorite jeweler know that he definitely doesn't want any blood diamonds. “These ain't conflict diamonds, is they Jacob?/Don't lie to me, man," he raps on the cut. Rest assured that none of the jewels flickering on him have anything to do with that struggle.
Doing Interviews
Just prior to the release of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in 2010, Kanye hit the Today show to talk with Matt Lauer. This being the Today show, Lauer was less interested in discussing the new album than in stirring up controversy. So he asked Kanye about calling President George W. Bush a racist after Hurricane Katrina and about interrupting Taylor Swift's MTV VMA speech in 2009.
Kanye, who described himself as a “rational, well-thought-out, empathetic human being” during their talk, was constantly pushed and prompted during the questioning.
First, Lauer playing a clip of Bush talking about how Kanye's accusation made him feel—as if West wouldn't be able to sympathize with the ex-President unless he watched the clip again. “I don't need all the jazz,” West told Lauer. But Matt was just getting started.
While Kanye was talking about the Swift incident, Lauer played the MTV Awards clip, interrupting West's train of thought. “Please don't let that happen again,” he ordered the soundmen on set. Well, it won't. That was the last formal interview Kanye has done. (Thanks for nothing Matt!) "If I don't say something in a rap or on Twitter, it's not true," he recently told Us magazine, in passing.
Getting Tattoos While Drunk
Kanye's tweeted rule is a simple one: No sippy-sippy before tatty-tatty. We're not sure if it's because thin-blooded cats might bleed all crazy if they have liquor in their systems or if he just means you'll get a dumb tat if you're drunk. Either way, we agree.
The Paparazzi
On “Flashing Lights,” West rapped, “Till I get flashed by the paparazzi/Damn, these niggas got me/I hate these niggas more than the Nazis.” Now that's hate. As if more proof of his dislike of impromptu photo shoots was needed, West broke a TMZ paparazzo's camera in 2008 at LAX after the shooter tried to grab a few pics of him strolling through the airport. He was arrested and released on bail a little while after.