After years of anticipation and several delays, SZA’s debut album CTRL finally dropped in spring of 2017.

The project has since received critical praise, debuted in the top five of the Billboard 200, and had multiple platinum-certified tracks; but perhaps the biggest accolades arrived this week, when it was announced the album had earned SZA a handful of Grammy nominations.

The 28-year-old singer is up for best R&B performance, Best Rap/Sung Performance, Best R&B Song, Best Urban Contemporary Album, as well as Best New Artist. A day after the nominations were announced, SZA opened up about her long journey to success.

“I remember pretending to be vegan cause that’s all I could afford lol (chips avocado n salad mix), she wrote on Instagram. “I remember sleeping on everyone’s couch cause I missed the train AGAIN (thank yall for having me lol ). Sold my beloved 500$ grillz for 50 bucks at the gold shop for train fair (I was SICK lol).”

She also addressed the fear and hesitation she had about CTRL’s release, claiming she begged TDE president Terrence “Punch” Henderson to hire writers for the project.

“He said ‘U don’t need em.’ I remember crying cus I didn’t have any hits or a quantifiable ‘sound’.. I remember feeling like damn maybe I suck. Maybe I should try something else ? Maybe I’m jus wasting space,” she wrote. “[…] I remember sobbing on the phone w Punch pleading for the album not to come out cause I couldn’t take the embarrassment. Just wanted another week. Another day? He ignored me n said I’d be fine.”

She was more than fine. In fact, SZA said she’s having trouble accepting all of the success because it feels like a dream. She went on to thank her fans, the TDE family, everyone who worked on the album, and the Recording Academy for the honors.

“This entire thing puts my wildest dreams to shame. I dunno what to say cause I dunno how to accept its even happening to me lol?” she wrote. “I’ve never won anything in my life even until this week (THANK YOU SOULTRAIN AWARDS!!) It all just feels strange somehow BUT IM SO OVERWHELMINGLY GRATEFUL FOR THIS STRANGENESS!! I’m so in awe of Gods plan.”

You can read SZA’s full message below.

 

I️ remember pretending to be vegan cause that’s all I️ could afford lol (chips avocado n salad mix ) I️ remember sleeping on everyone’s couch cause I missed the train AGAIN (thank yall for having me lol ) . Sold my beloved 500$ grillz for 50 bucks at the gold shop for train fair( I️ was SICK 😩 lol ). I️ BEGGED Punch for writers on this project cus I️ thought no one would ever like me the way I️ was . He said “U don’t need em”. I️ remember crying cus I️ didn’t have any hits or a quantifiable “sound”.. I️ remember feeling like damn maybe I suck . maybe I️ should try something else ? Maybe I’m jus wasting space ..Life’s weird . I️ Didn’t have any friends growing up. never gave my parents an opportunity to say “wow my kids killing it” didn’t graduate or do any fly shit before my nana died . been fired from every job I️ ever had ..I remember sobbing on the phone w punch pleading for the album not to come out cause I️ couldn’t take the embarrassment . Just wanted another week . Another day ?..he ignored me n said I’d be fine...This entire thing puts my wildest dreams to shame. I️ dunno what to say cause I️ dunno how to accept its even happening to me lol ? I’ve never won anything in my life even until this week (THANK YOU SOULTRAIN AWARDS!!) it all just feels strange somehow BUT IM SO OVERWHELMINGLY GRATEFUL FOR THIS STRANGENESS!! . I’m so in awe of Gods plan.. I just wanna live up to it. Thank you for listening to me.. thank you for understanding me.. thank u for bonding w my thoughts just the way they were. INFINITE GRATITUDE to the Recording Academy for this INCREDIBLE honor. I️ can’t even believe I’ve been considered. God bless every person who worked on this album or gave it an ear (specially the producers of the century @somethingnebula @iam_c_lang @thankgod4cody 💜) . Thank you Top and Punch for believing in me no matter what (even when I’m on your LAST nerves😊) . Thank u RCA for giving me new wings🙏🏾 THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS LIFE I️ DONT UNDERSTAND . #Ctrl.. a concept . #mygrannynominatedfor5grammys #TDE

A post shared by SZA (@sza) on Nov 29, 2017 at 8:57am PST