The Best Rap Verse of the Month

Loaded Lux goes in on his Funkmaster Flex freestyle, stunning the usually hyped-up hypeman.

Loaded Lux
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Loaded Lux

Funkmaster Flex freestyles are theater—high art, if you will—and who better to give rap fans those theatrics than arguably the greatest battle rapper to ever walk the Earth? Loaded Lux, cloaked in a grey hoodie, came to Hot 97's new Ciroc studio to lay waste to everything moving. Flex, who usually plays the proper hype man, was left stunned and speechless as Lux went on for about seven minutes. He gave us similes, metaphors, limericks, entendres—all kinds of poetic shit. It's hard to do it justice; you need to experience this brain melting exercise in lyrical dexterity.  This month's best rap verse goes to Loaded Lux's Funkmaster Flex freestyle. Talk Dirty in stores now! You gonna get this work!

"I was in the areas, just thought I swing by like a girl that’s curious
Boys in the hood pops up on ya, that’s furious
Fierce is when you find out your inferiors is inferior
What’s scary is, you’re bettin’ against the odds
And you lettin’ these niggas tell you you’re better than what you are
I’m the bar, measurin’ rod
This where you draw the line, on your screen turning it out like some Etch a Sketcher nobs
You young dummies is lunch money
Either champed in Cassius Clay or Fun Putty, I’m Lil Buddy
Too bad you ain’t got a pot to piss
I’ll bake ‘em for this cake, Betty or Crocker shit
Search your inner circle, will avert you, vice or virtue
Man, this shit is personal
I saw fights turn into curfews, you commercial
You fuck up the meetin’, but leave vegan ‘cause the green brother shall be back you ninjas turtle
But Stefon used to Urkle
Fuck it, make hip-hop when they give you hurdles.
Heard you! You better not even slacks with your church shoes
This Earth School, taught my kin more about this whirlpool
I know I’m better, how can you win this?
Like having the last picture ever with Michael Jackson, but hatin’ how your face look in it
And you won a Grammy, I’m sayin’ it, you just gonna have to put up with it
I’m the standard
Pay the bookies, we chasin’ bullies
‘Cause if our bad act ain’t goodie, then just bake goodies
You play hookie, they still want that Lux with the grey hoodie
I’m like that’s water under a high bridge, aye I could boogie
Look when most MCs are blind, these moments when I shine
I gotta show you what they hide, just throw it in rewind
The poetry’s refined, going in fine
Every time you get a Loaded line, a Corona gets a lime
Look, it’s only in you mind.
This isn’t clear? This isn’t fair?
King NY, need Diddy shares, Biggie chair
This nigga scared, I circle him in the square
Have your bars up or get balled up, ‘cause it’s fear
It appears that they was never my peers
It’s a pear, fruits of my labor that disappeared
I’m a bear on his grizzly, your city won’t drip a tear
If you here? Well I’m there, cup with your engineer
Fuck it, buccaneer
Fortune keeper, get stored in freezers
Born achiever that won Adidas and Jordan sneakers
Since he sported the ceaser, it’s nothing new clear
The warheads who got ‘em like North Korea
Let’s keep it tall like Madea
Son, your short as a breather
Daddy sugar trick Trinas, the world and these dick beaters
You ain't got to be meaner, at least walk with demeanor
Gang ties how blood money can have you seized up
This kid nappin', I'm big action
They lookin' for me, you're plastic
He ain't the real thing but he gettin' fried: Catfish
You know you can't keep this short, right?Snap flick
On the blog now but can't cut it, you should call in Kaep'nick
I'm jacked in, pendin', I break a beat up and bend it
Take a weak nigga, bend him and take a week if he meant it
Baby, you got the image: patriotic, offended
Player, she was takin' a knee before it was trendin'
Caskets, Flex you never had this
The jabs Zab quick for this bag hit, embarassin'
Bash him, he went for the mattress, taxes
Tryna go for hell on a Troy and kill these niggas, I'm Brad—
D's lookin' with the skully like he Mulder
The loaner who banded with his brothers like a Jonas
I'm on ya’s, I tear a nigga like ammonia
Got funky and shooters ain't sent nothin' but aroma
On these corners, shorty only do it 'cause it's cool
Fuck 'em all, he wanna listen to now what music that moves
We don't wanna hear that unity, fool
Guess them niggas that sold Harlem
Was tryna change the community too
I'm like ooh, hard to ask him how he doin' in school
He just rude, but I can dig it, you know, life is a jewel
But it's true, learn from it
Don't fall in the same mistakes again in Satan's grip
Trip, catch you off guard like a atheist, I'll break your—
I knock Calvin right outta his glasses, they gassed him
Find out the hard truth in your war boots
Storm Troop, fightin' a strong case, why the long face?
Main broad up in the short stay on your court date
Damn! You listenin' to a musician
Tryna tell this beautician the track ain't for horse play
I'm a standout, I told her I'm a good catch
She got her hands out, I mean what you niggas expect?
You took the stand out, fumblin'
Hit with the book crumblin'
Just beat, can't take the rap now, you're mumblin'
You weak, small, frail, I wore a shell, war's hell
No relief, pain runs deep, don't think I orange jail? 4:20
Can't yap what youngin jottin', how?
Tweetin' like a thug, a hunnid rounds
We meet you at the club, you in a gown
Fuck who you was, we got it now
I'm still clickin', difference I never traded on one member
Niggas better off catchin' Farrakhan at a Trump dinner
Where the thugs killas collide, you guys non-operative
You not for this, in a populace the total opposite
Stop the shits, 2Pacalypse, keep it positive
You 'bout to watch me raise up on you just like a Cosby kid
Problem is, you thinkin' too much, I put my heart in this
Hard denims, waist to the cuff, and I'ma walk in 'em
All the way to your door, I do home visits, dog
Bury you in your own backyard, pick a bone with him
Hold the wheel, give you that holy feel
Hittin' like Holyfield mixed with some golden steel
Off a pint of Henny finna overdose on pills
Ridin' dirty, unlicensed firearm with the open seal
I'm still that dangerous, I'm from outta that hangar
Different rap chamber, you know where you at stranger?
That Talk Dirty in stores
And yeah, I make a movie and do the score
I know what Jay did see, they had reasons to doubt, sure
But I just saw twenty-two 2's
When it's times two gon' get you 4:44, Lord!
Now do the math on that
Don't imagine it, the fact is that
I'm somethin' different out the same habitat
I battle rap and I drop records
Do the cabbage patch and get your cabbage patched
Cut me in however you dissect it
This ain't that put your faith in favors later, thank the neighbors
I came to bring 'em that thing that cracks the creator's data
The great debater, you're slow, at least a turtle know
Exactly why Morris never lift the weights with Slater
I missed the bell then, but know your principles
'Cause branchin' out, they don't teach you that in judicial school
The chi is deep, Swave Sevah, ninja jiu-jitsu moves
Official views, strikes with your wife, gettin' this whistle tuned
Bottom wisdom tooth, pull up on ya, get you chewed, lift your jewels
Fuck a friend, pile of money, Mr. Scrooge
Head to toe, they read the glow, Dorothy clickin’ shoes
Wizard at these odds, my nigga, but they'll be missin' you
I'm ready to go, Wanda was Jamie Foxx who did Ray
So know if you bringin' me shade how I play
Around my way, if I'm on my way and you in my way
Know if I don't get my way, ain't no way you gettin' away"

 

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