10 DJ Khaled Keys to Surviving the Holidays

Image via Complex Original

Look, if you only learn one thing from DJ Khaled, it is to avoid playing yourself. That should be your daily mantra, but here is a reminder as you embark on more than six weeks of winter wonderland nonsense.

You've gotta stay true to who you are. Look how true DJ Khaled stays to who he is! Some people are confused about what being “Internet famous” even means, but DJ Khaled doesn't care. He keeps hustling. He works as hard as he can to be authentic and say ridiculously catchy things because he knows that is what the people need from him. Do right by yourself, y'all, during the holidays and in the New Year. 

Get a haircut, get a facial, get a blowout. Maybe use some coco butter. Treat yourself and stop looking like a pile of garbage. You don't even have to go crazy if you’re not into that kind of thing, but if you look good, you're gonna feel good. The holidays would be hard even if it wasn't cold and dark. That "ish" is depressing, but it will seem worse if you don’t take care of yourself, alright? Use a nice body wash, or maybe even comb your hair. You’re gonna be OK. 

DJ Khaled’s greatest power is his confidence. He could probably sell people a pile of his own poop, and I mean that as a compliment. You could probably be way more confident, and a great place to start is by boasting about your accomplishments! We all dread the holidays so much that we forget it is an excellent time to talk about ourselves, and boast about all the cool s**t we've done. Get a little monologue going. Really impress the crap out of your Nana who you haven't seen since Christmas last year. Convince her you’re great, and then it will be easier to convince yourself.

Gonna be a little corny here, but take a second to be grateful. During Hanukkah, or on Christmas, or even just on a Tuesday, give yourself a moment to be thankful that you even have family to be annoyed by. If you have the time to read this thing on DJ Khaled’s holiday advice, you have things to be grateful for. I promise.

You are gonna get a little puffy during the holidays, that’s just the way it goes. Let yourself eat the extra cookie, have the eggnog or whatever, your body is going to be hidden in sweaters most of the time anyway. Still, you’ve gotta remember to exercise. If you don’t have time for the gym, go for a walk. Keep yourself in shape. Hop on the elliptical and you’ll be at least slightly less depressed by the most joyful season of the year. 

—And when I took the hinges off, I put the hinges on the f**kboys’ hands.”

Wow. Let's take a minute to appreciate this incredible quote, which can apply to following your dreams and also holiday shopping. People make holiday shopping seem like it is such a big deal, when it is the easiest thing in the world. They complain about all these crowds and lines and stuff. Rip. That. Door. Off. Its. Hinges. Seriously, take three minutes right now and just order everything on Amazon. Go to Best Buy and just grab a bunch of Beats headphones, like Powerbeats³​ Wireless earphones. Boom. You're done. The game has been forever altered. 

—You could always have people that might feel like you would do something more for yourself.”

Another inspiring one here. In the context of the holidays, we can take this miraculous advice to mean: Your thanksgiving dinner doesn't have be an anti-Trump summit! It really doesn't. You should be living a politically active life, and protesting, and calling elected officials, but, maybe dinner with all your relatives is not the place for diatribes. Just a thought.

You can do it. You can get through several family dinners without scream-crying at your uncle that he is a bigot. Or maybe you can't, but the most you can do is try. Stay strong. Take that extra sip of wine when you need it, DJ Khaled would give you permission. DJ Khaled is proud of you as long as you are doing your best and also regularly moisturizing with coco butter.

Honestly, just tweet everything. The holidays might be rough this year, but at least you’ll get some content out of all the anxiety. Maybe your thread of quotes from Christmas dinner will be the one that goes so viral you'll become a social media celebrity just like DJ Khaled. Maybe next year, you'll be the one getting to tell people to ride jet skis or whatever other endless wisdom this man has to offer. At the very least, it will be cathartic.

Literally just remember to water your plants if you're going away for the holidays. Take care of your stuff, people. No one wants to come home to dead plants.