Who in the fuck does Mimi Faust think she’s fooling?
Mere seconds into the season premiere of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, I was already over Mimi and her bullshit. After all of the embarrassment Stevie J put her through, she decides to start a business with him? A management company at that! She can't manage to stop playing herself, and he can't manage to stay sober. Watch out, Roc Nation. The Diddy and Kim Porter of the South got next.
Mimi is obviously still in love with Stevie J, which explains why she has found a way to be with him intimately even if it is under the pretense of a business venture. Mimi, you are another sad love song wrecking my brain like crazy.
Mimi Faust Management's first potential client is rapper Tiffany Foxx. Some of you might recall her from an awful song and video featuring a Lil' Kim sing-songy verse I try to forget out of respect for a legend. If you are keeping score, Tiffany Foxx worked with Lil' Kim and now wants Mimi Faust and Stevie J to handle her career. I’m laughing.
In between trying to manage artists, Mimi unveiled plans to release a book. It's shit like this that makes me question why I even bother learning how to read. Do I have to have sex with Nikko to get a book deal? Pass me the shower rod. Wait, I'd sooner lick a New York City sidewalk on the mustiest day of the year than screw slime.
Speaking of Nikko, he may no longer be with Mimi, but he is still trying to leech off of her. He pops up at the photo shoot for her book cover to inform her that she signed a contract giving him 25 percent of her book royalties. In response, Mimi says she was not in her right mind when she signed that, thus refuses to honor the deal. Uh, that is not how contracts work, beloved. This woman made a baby with someone who worked with Puffy in the 1990s. How does she not know to read her contracts? Why is she so hopeless?
I bet half of the book is going to be about Joseline. I understand why Mimi doesn't fancy the Puerto Rican Princess, but at what point will this woman realize that Stevie J was not in the studio working on tracks with Jesus before Joseline entered his life? Mimi, if you think a scoundrel like Stevie J needed Joseline to introduce him to drugs and bad behavior, you are crazier than you swear Joseline is.
Mimi, if you think a scoundrel like Stevie J needed Joseline to introduce him to drugs and bad behavior, you are crazier than you swear Joseline is.
Sadly, last night Joseline was discussed often but not seen. Joseline’s whereabouts are unclear, but Mimi and her cast mates remain thirsty as hell about her.
We also got insinuations that Joseline is being shady to her old pals. Enter some new girl named Diamond who, like Joseline, is getting off the pole for good in order to pursue her rap dreams. Dawn, the booking agent who has half of Traci Braxton's face, tells Diamond that her old co-worker is probably ignoring her texts because she doesn't want the competition. Dawn needs to go find herself some business and better wigs.
As for Joseline's reunion show behavior, Stevie J and Benzino were responsible for that brawl. Joseline was basically siding with her man, and ever the hood girl, could not be stopped once she popped off. 100 emoji.
Mimi knows Stevie can be confrontational, which is why she told him that Nikko was trying to further scam her. Before Nikko revealed that tidbit of information about his contract with Mimi, we met his estranged wife, Margeaux. She introduced herself as a bunch of different things—model, aspiring designer, singer, and something else. She reminded me of a sad Instagram bio. During their meeting in the park, we learned that while they did have an open marriage, Margeaux was not clued in about the sex tape. This offended her because apparently, it's OK to date a woman on national TV despite being married, but don't you dare record the sex.
Margeaux looks like the baby of Robin Givens and former Real Housewives of Atlanta star Lisa Wu. She sounds like every girlfriend whose phone calls you stop answering because you can't take her ridiculous ass life anymore.
Moving on, Lil' Scrappy continues to be the man who cried "What child support?" Erica informed Momma Dee, who is presently living her dream as the convicted felon version of Anita Baker, that Scrappy ain't making those child support check payments. Momma Dee blames the Bambi, but while confronting her son about it, blames Erica for blaming the Bambi. Why can't a pimp stand by her words?
Scrappy has no idea how fortunate he is that Erica has not tried to lock him up yet despite having $50,000 reasons to. It is time for Scrappy to drop a mixtape and get back on the road and pay the man and the baby mama. Or go directly to jail.
In related you're still an asshole news, Kirk he is renting an apartment and calling it a business office. He claims to be paying $3,500, but if you say you’re paying that much in Atlanta, you are either an habitual liar or a damn fool. You can rent a townhouse in Atlanta for a shrimp fried rice dinner with extra duck sauce.
There’s also the issue of Kirk's latest signee: some girl throwing herself at a married man. I forgot her name on purpose, but what I can tell you is that she is every verse of Lauryn Hill's "Doo Wop (That Thing)." I assume Rasheeda hasn't left Kirk yet because she doesn't want to raise all those kids by her lonesome. I will contribute to her nanny-based GoFundMe should she finally wise up and tap out.
I will be back next week, but Joseline, know that I will not truly be back until you make your glorious return.
Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.