White 22-year-olds are sorely disappointed this afternoon, with 22-year-old singer Zayn Malik having just announced that he is leaving the exceptionally annoying boy band One Direction. This loss is a sad development for our audience in particular, as Malik has often talked about his formative love of hip-hop and R&B, which inspired him to become a musician. One can only assume that Malik was one of the many anonymous commenters that plague this website.
After Malik's announcement this morning, Twitter erupted with speculation of who might eventually take Malik's spot in the five-piece band, sort of like how Michelle Williams replaced LeToya Luckett in Destiny's Child in 2000. Twitter aside, we've got our own suggestions for The Top 5 Candidates to #ReplaceZayn in One Direction.
Lil' Zane (a.k.a. Zane)
Zane hasn't had a hit record since the Hardball soundtrack was popping in 2001, so I figure he's willing to regress from solo artistry to one-fifth duties as a ghostwriter and hypeman. Bask in his gutless 2Pac impersonation, and imagine the possibilities.
Billy Zane
'00s babies aren't really hip to Titanic, but let me assure you that Billy Zane is an O.G. hailing straight from the North Atlantic depths. The only Zane we acknowledge is the greasy millionaire gunslinger who put the diamond in the coat, before he put the coat on Kate Winslet!
Pharrell
Just look at this motherfucker.
@ComplexMag grand budapest pharrell
— Rembert Browne (@rembert) March 25, 2015Jaden Smith
Who better to steer One Direction into its Tommy phase? Jaden Smith is a sacred fit for a song called "Steal My Girl," and he's too good for this rap shit. Give him over to One Direction so we can hear those Sartre bars over Julian Bunetta beats.
Yeah Yeah, But How Many Pull Ups Can You Do.
— Jaden Smith (@officialjaden) February 16, 2015Carly Rae Jepsen
