When I first laid eyes on Masika, I didn’t give a particular damn about her one way or the other. The only real thought I could muster about Masika was more of a question: “Did Janice Dickinson have a secret Black baby two or three decades ago?” The answer seems to be no, only if going by last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood, there’s a very strong chance that Masika is the lovechild of some Black man and one of the worst Disney villains imaginable.

Masika strikes me as the kind of person that has been jumped a couple of times in her life. Hell, she’ll probably get popped at the reunion, too. Now that she’s no longer engulfed in a love triangle with Mally Mall and human blow up doll, Nikki, she’s set her sights on Yung Berg, who apparently was her friend before she forged a superficial friendship with Hazel E.

While Hazel E complained about Berg for what feels like the billionth time, Masika slid in the following comment: "You all about the girl code, I'm all about keeping it 100."

Translation: I will fuck your man.

Granted, Hazel was only close to Berg when had a condom on, but you get what I’m saying. Even if the relationship was mostly in your mind, Masika will discard that friendship trivia for the sake of self-interests. In this instance, her music career.

Yes, not only is she suddenly Berg’s friend, Masika is also a recording artist of some sort. About that: Masika is too slow to realize that when it comes to her "music," women aren't going to support a person they think betrays women. Masika is also one of those birds who doesn’t think she’s a bird, given she comes with Creole mustard as opposed to BBQ sauce. I don’t see this music thing happening for you, Masika, but best wishes on all future endeavors.

As for Hazel, in addition to dropping the hobby of creating imaginary boyfriends, she should also stop having imaginary friends – even if they come with real bodies. Beloved, you used to be a publicist before you became a rapper, right? You’ve got to know how these “industry” people work, especially if you get the suspicion that they could come with a side of pico de gallo. Masika is not your friend.

Masika’s sudden interest in Berg works in his favor. You know, since his attempts at trying to sleep with Teairra Mari were dropped faster than she was from Def Jam.

 

Even so, Masika’s sudden interest in Berg works in that man’s favor. You know, since his attempts at trying to sleep with Teairra Mari were dropped faster than she was from Def Jam. I’m glad Teairra Mari is seemingly getting serious about the state of her music career. She has to know she can do better than making a living getting drunk and fighting women in the club over vaginal cream usage on VH1. And while they don’t have any romantic chemistry, the track Berg produced for Teairra sounds pretty good. That said, Teairra, I hope you have reached out to DJ Mustard, too.

I can already hear it: “Mustard on the beat, ho. Te-Te’s fist on your jaw, bitch.”

Before we move on from this, let me just remind you all that Berg continues to be a five foot poster for the phrase “Who hurt you?” He is cruel and heartless. Stevie J and Peter Gunz are serial womanizers with plenty of issues, but even they don’t ever sound this casually callous.

When Masika wasn’t getting on Hazel’s nerves over Berg, Fizz was making everyone at home shake their head as he continues to try to make a family with Amanda, who has proven time and time again that she’s not ready for that. Fizz and Amanda got into a fight after Fizz found out that Amanda had breakfast with the man she cheated on him with.

Let’s recap: Amanda says she’s unsure about helping raise his child, has cheated on Fizz, and continues to hang out with the man she’s cheated on him with.

Finally, all of this started to circle in Fizz’s head so by the time he went to go house hunting, he was almost ready to accept that maybe Amanda wouldn’t be moving in with him and his son. This news brought great joy to Fizz’s baby mama, Moniece, who he decided to bring along. Given Fizz’s stepmom plan went awry, he decided maybe it’s worth giving co-parenting with Moniece another try.

Fizz went and told Moniece all about his troubles with Amanda, which was maybe not the best option if he cared about Amanda’s safety. Fizz knows Moniece isn’t wrapped too tight. After all, he filed a restraining order against her.

Needless to say, by the time Moniece went into a meeting with Amanda, she had even more disdain for her. Now, I don’t excuse Moniece calmly snatching Amanda’s hair and pulling her down, but when psychos tell you to chill, you should dive into the freezer. The sane-challenged do not like to be referred to as “crazy.” Yet, Amanda kept calling her just that.

Amanda offered a sarcastic apology, all but sealing her fate. That cashew looks like she could filet a human body with a bobby pin. She obviously wants Fizz back, too. Good luck, Amanda, because Moniece is the Hannibal Lector of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood.

Lastly, Ray J’s girlfriend, Princess, tried to talk to Ray J about his problem with the bottle. He didn’t listen, so I’m not expounding anymore than that. The only Norwood I try to acknowledge is Brandy. ‘Til next week, y’all.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.

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