I don’t know what Teairra Mari’s intentions for Love & Hip Hop Hollywood were going in – a quick check, using the TV show to rejuvenate her music career, an increased rate for club bookings—but as of now, it looks like Teairra Mari joined for no other reason than to fuck shit up. The show launched exactly where it left last week: Ray J’s new girlfriend, Princess, approaching Teairra with pictures of the contents inside the purse she left behind at Ray’s spot—including her case of Vagisil. Teairra did what any other woman on a VH1 show airing on Monday nights would do in a situation like this—throw a drink and dare a girl to step to her—and was subsequently tossed out of the establishment.

Ray J acted so offended by Teairra’s behavior, although he noticeably swept Princess’ antagonism under the rug. However, his assistant, Morgan, did acknowledge that, technically, both women were in the wrong, though she was still offended that Teairra not only got caught up at a party she organized, but got aggressive with her, to the point where she wondered if she was going to have to take off her earrings and go blow for blow with this gorgeous woman filled with enough rage to knock out the teeth of every member of ISIS.

Morgan set up a meeting at a restaurant (of course) and let Teairra Mari know how she felt. Ever defensive, Teairra basically said, “Look, if a bitch comes for me, I’m swinging. And even though you ain’t fucking with me right now, you’re loyal like shit so I’m gon’ let you marinate like my wings in lemon pepper.” Even so, Morgan explained to Teairra that when she gets drunk (Teairra Mari was sipping on some spirits throughout their exchange), she gets violent and that’s not okay. Teairra doesn’t give a shit as evidence by her getting into it with another friend and her roommate (when she’s not house sitting or something), Hazel-E.

Teairra Mari has Ray J’s name tattooed under one of her tits and now wants to chop and screw. So Hazel E, and some new girls on the show I doubt I’ll care about (more on that in a few) all congregated in the tattoo shop. The end result was Teairra Mari flipping her tat into “X Ray.” Seriously. That’s what she did. Not a butterfly. Not the Last Dragon. Not even a bird captioned with some popular Instagram meme. She got “X Ray.” If she was a medical student who used to live in the projects, I’d be like, “That’s cute.” But she’s not so it ain’t.


While they were talking about the remixed tat, Hazel E made the mistake of telling Teairra Mari about what she would or would not put on her body. Never mind free will and difference of opinion.

After Hazel E said that, Teairra proceeded to pop off leading to fight number two. And while popping off, Teairra Mari brought up Hazel’s own dealings with Yung Berg. You see, Hazel and Yung Berg screw around with each other, but he’s not claiming her outside of the day of the week that they smash. When those two were in the studio, Hazel pushed Berg for some sort of acknowledgment of their situation.

Berg’s response was: "If you love me, you gotta deal with me how I wanna do shit, baby." As in, I fuck a new person each weekday, I may fuck two girls on Saturday, but on Sunday, I rest “like Jesus.” Yung Berg is a walking, talking “light-skinned squint” and the reason why light-skinned Black men stay getting clowned. This is why I tell people I am light-skinned adjacent. I want no parts of this group of guys.

That said, since Hazel’s situation isn’t the best, Teairra told her to shut the hell up. Rude, but she was right when she told Hazel, “Fuck that cute shit.” Yes, woman. If that man ain’t trying to claim you, that’s all you need to know about you and the “situation.” GET THAT FREE BEAT, THOUGH.

In the end, Teairra’s jaw was left on the ground after Ray J popped up in the tattoo parlor with a box of all the things she left behind. He threw it on the floor and proceeded to publicly shame her. Yes, his answer to a temperamental woman he claims beat on him is to enact revenge on her in a public setting. Let’s see how this plays out.

As for the non Teairra Mari related people of the show:

Fizz’s crazy baby mama wanted to meet his girlfriend in order to “set boundaries” on how she ought to behave around her son. You know, the son she doesn’t have custody of and hasn’t apparently seen in months. Smithers, release the hounds.

We met a new cast member named Masika, who operates under the unfortunate impression that the term “video vixen” still means something 2014 and who introduced herself as follows: “I am the girl in high school that you wanted to be besties with, but then you talked really bad about her behind her back.”

That sounds stupid and I hate her until further notice. She’s also fucking the Mally Mall, who is apparently some producer who is in an on-again, off-again relationship with the other new cast member, Nikki. Nikki gives “Section 8 Shah of Sunset.” I’m not invested in this love triangle, but it was good to know Justin Bieber gave Mally Mall Masika’s number.

Oh and Teddy Riley’s daughter got embarrassed over photos of Soulja Boy being with some other girl.

Listen here u dick sucker @souljaboy you've never met me a day in your life. GO talk to the transgender in Atlanta you been fucking

— K.Michelle (@kmichelle) September 23, 2014

However, if you take a look at K. Michelle’s Twitter feed, she may have other things to worry about.

See y’all next week.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem, and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him @youngsinick.