Who else has noticed over time that whenever Mimi Faust wants to convey sincerity, or more recently, trying to sell the viewing public aloofness about some shit she knows good and damn well she actively was a part of, she uses her “inside voice.” You know, as if we’re not used to seeing her go 0 to a 100 real quick. That’s how last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta started – immediately letting me know that I was about to get a double dose of bullshit. Mimi’s still trying to pretend she did not purposely shoot a porn with Dollar Store Stevie J as her friends continue to approach her with the following plea: Oh Lord, know yourself, know your worth, girl.
Meanwhile, Nikko is in her bed grinning like the villain he is over the response to their cinematic debut—particularly Joseline’s crack about Mimi’s freak levels being as low as a post-mortem Sophia Petrillo. In response, Mimi cracked about the number of folks who have taken a cruise to Joseline’s clitoris and added in the confessional, “One of the reasons why I signed the contract in the first place is because Joseline taught me what not to do. Her naked ass is all over the Internet for free and didn’t make one red cent.”
Well, that’s certainly one way to look at it. Another would be to say that if a teenage prostitute and streetwalker—as in a woman used to making money off her naked body—believes it’s a bad idea to shoot a porn with a man clearly trying to capitalize of your newfound celebrity, that ought to tell you something. However, you can’t tell Mimi anything as evidenced by her reactions to both Ariane and Erica Dixon.
Although many people across social media seemed to find Erica’s criticism of Mimi to be self-righteous, I was not as bothered. Moreover, I don’t find Erica fighting on camera to be equivalent to spreading eagle and hanging from a shower rod with a wannabe member of Dru Hill. I may have been raised differently, but even my OG pops and devout Catholic mama taught me that punks jump up to get beat down, so while fighting in adulthood isn’t the move, I don’t find that comparable to shooting a porn when you have a young child.
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That aside, it’s not that I think being an adult film entertainer prevents you from being a responsible parent. No, it’s just that there’s a certain level of honesty and maturity one ought to have if you opt to go down that path—which Mimi has yet to display. She has a business and a TV check, so the porn wasn’t about “providing for my daughter.” It’s more like people like sex and that leads them to porn, and nowadays lower tier stars think they can become Kim Kardashian when they do a “sex tape” so they jump on the bandwagon. Mimi is old enough to remember Xscape’s “Keep It On The Real.” I wish she’d go back and listen to it.
Anyhow, Erica had good intentions but poor as hell timing given she made her case to Mimi while she dealt with news that her father suffered a very bad stroke. If I were Mimi, I would’ve been like, “Just tell me you think I’m the worst person to ever possess a vagina so I can go see my daddy.”
Once she got back from her trip to see her dad, Mimi argued with Ariane for “judging” her and basically arguing that friendship is about enabling the other person no matter how foolish their behavior becomes. If that doesn’t sound ridiculous enough, Mimi also thanked Nikko for “being here throughout all this bullshit” Nikko created for her. Even better: When called on the production value of the porn, Mimi made it seem as if Lucasfilm produced the thing as a means of explaining why it doesn’t look so homemade. That wasn’t CGI on your cooch, madam, so put that okie doke in your back pocket.
I love to look at Ariane every week, but I don’t know how she continues to put up with Mimi.
Mimi’s naïveté is on swole. Exhibit X: Mimi asking Benzino for $10,000 to appear on the cover of Hip Hop Weekly. Benzino tried to explain to her how publishing works, but she didn’t want to hear it. She warned him that she’d call her lawyers. You couldn't stop your porn from "leaking," but you think you can stop Benzino from taking one of your Instagram flicks for a cover? Cute.
Enough of her.
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In arrested development news, Lil’ Scrappy, dressed like he was heading to a Frankie Beverly and Maze concert and took Bambi on a date where he presented her with a promise ring. This news frustrated Momma Dee, who worried that Scrappy was going to dethrone her by not…I don’t know, marrying her? Sometimes Momma Dee acts as if she still wants to breastfeed her son. I don’t want to question the pimp, but c’mon. Nah, Momma Dee. Either way, I hope Scrappy gets her that royal scooter she’s so pressed about. She could use a toy to occupy her time.
Kaleena is pregnant and living in a home full of mold. No, Ashley is not the father. A strap-on doesn’t have that sort of magic power, y’all.
Now, on to my Joseline, who was pissed off that the shoot she did for Hip Hop Weekly ended up with Mimi on the cover (without Mimi’s permission, duh). She found it to be another instance of Stevie J disrespecting her. I mean, if you think you’re Beyoncé, you wouldn’t want to open for Farrah Franklin either. Trying to curb her anger, Stevie says, “I want you to overshadow her.” Joseline instantly quips back, “I’mma do that anyway.”
Long live the Puerto Rican Princess. And yes, this is my way of ending the recap on a good note. ‘Til next time, y’all.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
