Thanks, Ibiza. Thanks for reviving the "foam party" craze and having people go ham for... foam. It's funny, for all of the flack that the American EDM scene gets, from being uneducated to not even dancing, one of the weirdest fads would come from Ibiza, one of the meccas for dance music, and involve a substance that could be potentially hazardous to both dancing and even seeing the DJ perform. What the hell made foam parties so popular?

It's weird to see people get this hype over a party that can legit be recreated with dishwashing liquid and a shop vac. To hear Paris Hilton tell it, that 6AM foam drops in Ibiza is not only crazy, but unlike any other party you've ever been to. "A carwash" is how she described it... which sounds like the antithesis of what this DAD is trying to get into on a Friday night. Or at the end of a term. Or whatever excuse the college set uses to get their foamy freak on. See, carwashes have all kinds of insane materials that they use to clean cars. Being inside the car can be cool, but standing outside, getting blasted with those cleaning solutions? I'd fear for my eyes... which is a real problem with this foam!

Pink eye is common anywhere you have loads of people, but adding foam into the mix can heighten the risk of pink eye, as well as eye soreness, redness, conjunctivitis, and much more. Don't take that from me, though; that's the CDC talking. And we don't want to be your literal dad (we can't have these many kids), but that's a serious danger. Especially when you consider that these foam parties aren't done for smaller venues or crowds; you're talking hundreds and thousands of kids packing into a club to get blinded by chemicals while going ham to dance music. Add the inevitable (drugs, bad dancing), and someone is bound to get fucked the fuck up when "Animals" drops.

With that said, we get it: dance music, and EDM in general, thrives in the club, the rave, and most importantly in America, the festival circuit. You need some kind of "attraction," and at the end of the day, kids just want to have fun... whether it's getting drunk on 4Loko or taking whatever substance is found in the Mollies they're being sold. Or getting your dance on at a foam party. And we have to admit: on paper it sounds great. When those lights hit? And the ladies (who we imagine are dressing less, because foam) are on the stage giving it their all? A foam party sounds very enticing. But maybe I'm from an older school, where people went out to impress, either with their attire or their dance moves. The NYC club kid culture was all about going BIG with your costumes, and other clubs worldwide would have people making sure they look either their best or coming with some unique style that would get them noticed. Or heads made sure they were coming to show their moves in the circle, be it breakdancing or whatever they constituted as the popular dance for that time/scene.

Hitting a foam party, and the LAST two things I'm thinking about is rocking that fresh new shirt or busting a move. It'd be more like BUSTING MY ASS, amirite?!?!

Bad jokes aside, maybe a foam party, in the right frame of mind, or in the right city, with the right DJ, could be a lot of fun. I mean, FOAM! Shooting from the ceiling! Randomly. But maybe I'm just cautious. Or old. Or wishing that more people were packing dancehalls to, you know, dance as opposed to staring at the DJ providing the music. We can't chant "turn up" at the drop of every banger, then when we go to hear this music just stare at lights or throw our hands in the air at the instant foams drop from the ceiling. We either look like pilled-up ravers or three-year-olds, shouting shit like "bubbles!"

Don't let me fuck up your fun, but just be mindful of the situations you're putting yourself into. And for the love of Rave God, say no to rave parties in your frat or mom's den. You will fuck up the floors, and if someone trips and breaks something, your mother will have your ass!