Listen to the song above. It’s called “Pink Machine,” and I’m willing to bet you’ve never heard it before. It’s by the drummer/guitarist Jud Ehrbar, who played with a couple never-very-famous New York bands in the mid-’90s, and recorded and released a solo album, under the name Reservoir, in 1997.

I don't type this to be all "I-know-about-obscure-'90s-indie-rock-bands-that-you-don't-know-about." (As if that pose ever gets anybody laid.) I type it because I want you to listen to the song. It serves as a helpful litmus test. One that can help us learn things about ourselves. Listen to it. See what you think.

If you like this song, chances are that you are a good person, with good taste in music. And that when you die, you will go to heaven, and live forever in total happiness listening to angels playing harps that sound a little bit like the slowly strummed guitar in “Pink Machine.” If you don’t like it, you are a bad person and will go to hell when you die and spend eternity being tortured by forked-tongued demons who breathe sulfur and play Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” while they burn you with branding irons.