Date: October 7

R. Kelly is decadent and depraved, word to Hunter S. Thompson.

The depraved part? Yes.

The decadent part? There's this: He released the aforementioned song about cookies, Oreos to be exact, and, yes, it was about splitting Oreos and licking their middle, a delicious methaphor for oral sex. There's other sex/food lines as well ("Break your back, crack it open like a lobster"), which leads us to believe Robert is eating just as good as he's fucking. (A lobster bake with Oreos and cunnilingus for desert = a very good night.) But that's not even the most decadent part of "Cookie." That? "Let's wake up, it's dinnertime." Seems like R. Kelly's the kind of American to live on Spanish time, a.k.a. dinner at 9 after a wake up call from siesta at, like, 7:30. It doesn't even have to be the freakin' weekend to have fun like that. — Jack Erwin 

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