Ok, ok, ok. Let's get this out of the way...R-Kelly was fucking awesome. That's right I said it. Wild card, bitches - Coachella just pulled the old bait and switch, not confirming or denying the appearance of Daft Punk and then BOOM "I'm a Flirt" like a muhfucka.

But really...who didn't see this coming? We all knew Coachella had the ability to just throw a hologram of a dead black rapper onto their stage and send the drug and booze addled audience into a harlem shake-type frenzy. Two years in a row shouldn't be THAT much of a surprise.

Oh, that was real? And he isn't dead? Ok, well then thank God I was outside of his peeing distance (which is a lot farther than you may think, baby birds. My advice? If you're front row at Phoenix, head-to-toe gortex is your best bet...unless you want the only shower you get that weekend to be a golden one.)

But regardless of the fact that my pre-pubescent and college house party dreams we're simultaneously fulfilled with a live mash-up of Phoenix's "1901" and Robert Sylvester Kelly's American classic Remix to "Ignition," there was a lot of shit that went down at Coachella Weekend One this year and I aim to give you my own run-down of the highlights.

Now go out there and enjoy weekend two, baby birds. The gates are open and you're borderline late.



Dillon Francis: If you're in the mood for cats and lasers, then it's pretty obvious what set you should be at. My man Dillon Francis took his cat game to some next level shit this year though, and in between screaming "Fuck Coachellaaaa!" put on a show that only Dillon could do - and even while I'm more of a "Masta Blasta" classic kind of guy, "Rebirth" was hands down the moment everyone completely lost their shit.

Four Tet: Sorry, Four Tet is going to be a minute - but in the mean time, we'll give you Pete Tong. Well, golly gee wiz, thanks Coachella! Seriously though...that happened. For my first foray into the club-like atmosphere that is the Yuma tent, it wasn't a bad way to really kick my day into high gear.

Seth Troxler: Show me a time when Seth Troxler doesn't lay down a sweet, molasses groove and I'll show you scooby-doo lookin, Seth Troxler imposter.

Bassnectar: The colors, Duke! The colors! Best light show of the weekend has to go to my man Bassnectar, who would have had us with his face-melting performance alone, but put his tent way over capacity with the lights to end all lights.


Baauer: After being a Baauer fan for quite some time, and even remaining a fan through the interweb catastrophe that was the "Harlem Shake," I was not prepared to enjoy his set (or the crowd there) as much as I did. Holy viral videos, baby birds, not only did Baauer absolutely destroy his set but when he encored with "Harlem Shake," there wasn't a single person who didn't completely lose it.

2 Chainz: Just kidding - more like 2 Late. I left before he even got on stage. How are you 20 minutes late for a 45 minute set?

Bingo Players: Who's in the mood for some audacious house music in the middle of the desert?? I am, I am! Grab yourself a beer in the beer garden and dance your board shorts and high-waisted jeans into the dirt because as usual the Bingo Players came to deliver, and deliver they did.

Major Lazer: I was going to skip Major Lazer as well. Maybe it's the LA hipster in me that doesn't want to see the "popular" kids play, or maybe it's because they haven't been the same since the loss of Switch and Skerrit Bwoy - but regardless of what I thought I didn't like about them, they still put on one hellofa show.

The Postal Service: Yeah, so maybe I was an angsty teen - and yeah, maybe I almost cried durring Such Great Heights. Postal Service put on a performance on par with that of The xx, and brought us up to the shrillest highs and lowest lows of the night and I can't deny that if they went on tour again with this newfound infusion of electronic attitude that I wouldn't follow them around the world and go to every show.


Gaslamp Killer: An LA staple, Gaslamp Killer was an unmissable show at Coachella. Drop his crazy ass off into the middle of the Do-Lab (which was on steroids this year) and you've got yourself a great way to kick of your Saturday.

Paul Kalkbrenner: There wasn't a single DJ having more fun than Paul Kalkbrenner during his set. Homeboy was grinning ear to ear and the audience of loyal fans followed suit. Add in a sunset and song selection on par with his essential mix (read: pretty much the same) and you've got yourself a show to remember.

Wu-Tang: Nuff said. I don't care if you're on an EDM blog...Wu-Tang, bitch.

Disclosure: If you stuck around RHCP in the hopes that there would be another surprise performer - then you missed Disclosure. For that, I can truly sympathize as it was a serious crapshoot where you needed to be at that moment. If you DID see Disclosure, then you know that a couple of surprise appearances from Sam Smith and Jessie Ware made their a phenomenal way to close out the weekend.