Winner: Envy
Year: 2003

Many words have been said about this legendary battle, and at least one documentary has been filmed about it. More Napoleon Dynamite than 8 Mile, the boys of Chamblee High School had no idea their AV Club gathering would go so viral. The whole video is ridiculous: Marv-O putting his hands all over the judges, the lo-fi quality to the whole thing, Envy's opening lines (which rhyme 'cripple' with 'cripple'), but obviously Eli Porter is responsible for anyone talking about it.

Somehow, even though his shirt is half-tucked, even though his arm is limp, even though his eyes look through the back of his head, even though he loses the battle that day-Eli wins the war in the end. His "I'm the best, mayne, I did it" has been said by everyone from you to me to Kanye West. Not too bad for a kid who can't even wear clothes correctly. In hindsight, how does he lose to Envy? Judge Stephen "Action" Jackson says, "They both did good, but Envy did great," which is some nonsensical bullshit, straight out of Eli's book.