Are you looking to add to an already-legendary collection of CDs, getting dusty by the day as the rest of the universe converts to all digital-format music? Or are you looking to start an already-legendary collection of CDs? Or are you, quite simply, one of those weirdos who gets off on owning the property of infamous criminals?
Then do we have something for you: The CD collection of famed Ponzi schemer, America's most notorious white-collar criminal, and the perpetrator of the largest financial fraud in American history, Bernie Madoff. It's true!
For only $100, you too can own Madoff's CD collection, which includes:
—Toni Braxton's The Heat ("In jewel case with CD-R," apparently)
—Frank Sinatra's The Best of
—Elton John's The Superior Sound of Elton John
—Barbara Streisand's The Concert (2 Discs)
—Tony Bennett's Millennium Now
—1998's Original Cast Recording of St Louis Woman
—Turn Up the Heath by The Jimmy Heath Big Band
—Michael Feinstein's Pure Gershwin Rimsky Korsakov Scheherazade as performed by the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra (Unopened)
—Julio Iglesias' Calor
—Chicago: The Musical (Unopened, shockingly)
—A certificate that shows proof that they once belonged to Madoff!
—And something described as "**Neil Diamond case with Reggae Best Bob Marley + the wailers [sic] and 2nd cd Pavarotti and friends," which we can only take to mean "a Bob Marley and The Wailers album, hidden inside a Neil Diamond album, along with one-half of a Pavarotti album," possibly.
In other words, basically, everything your white, middle-to-upper-middle-class baby-boomer parents (or grandparents, if you're that young) would most definitely own. To that end, they basically are Bernie Madoff, and like Madoff they are not to be trusted, at the very least, for most of their taste in music, or when they tell you they didn't smoke weed. They did. All of them.
But still, there's novelty to buy here, not just in knowing that you own such an infamous criminal's CD collection, but also in knowing you're kicking back to the same Marley albums as him, and doing whatever you would go about your day doing to Bob Marley, as opposed to what Madoff did listening to Bob Marley, which was living one of the greatest lies in American history that cost, quite literally, billions of dollars. Which, in and of itself, is actually kind of cool, and possibly well worth the $100.
On the other hand, the Water Workout tape that comes with the CDs, and/or the thought of working out to it? That's just, like, mad weird. Don't do that.