Tomorrow’s Maybach Music Group Untouchable Maybach Music Empire press conference is shaping up to be the most overhyped media event since LeBron James’s “The Decision.” When’s the last time you got a special invitation to a news briefing sponsored by Island Def Jam, Warner Music, and Ciroc? Though it may not be broadcast live on ESPN, rest assured that the entire hip-hop universe will be hanging on Rick Ross’ every word, gesture, and grunt.
With MMG riding high and Ross poised to deliver the last album under his current contract with Def Jam, speculation about his future plans is running wild. So while we wait to see what earth-shaking news the Bawse decides to reveal—and whether Pill will try to bumrush the show in hopes of signing something, anything—we couldn’t help but dream up these predictions of announcements we’d like to see. So keep reading... it’ll all be worth it if You Only Laugh Once. #YOLO.
Written by Rob Kenner (@boomshots)
Wingstop
MMG Will Now Be Distributed Through Wingstop
Remember how Watch The Throne debuted as an iTunes exclusive? Best Buy, Wal-Mart, and Target have done similar deals for big music releases that would be of special interest to their clientele. In another bold marketing move, God Forgives I Don’t and Self-Made Vol. 2 will be available exclusively at Ross's favorite eatery, Wingstop. You can even get a free download when you cop an atomic nine piece.
Gunplay
Gunplay’s Swastika Tattoo Will Be Re-Inked Into A Butterfly
The most enigmatic MMG signee, Miami rapper Gunplay, has a swastika tattooed on the back of his neck. Although he argues that the symbol has had many meanings throughout history, it’s best known as the logo for the Nazis—and also appears on the covers of Gunplay mixtapes like Valkyrie and Inglorious Bastard. Rather than having him Professor-Griffed out of the camp, Ross will announce that a tattoo artist will be revising the swastika to look like a beautiful butterfly. Hey, it worked for Game.
MMG Gospel
Ma$e Will Be The First Artist Signed To MMG Gospel
Taking a page from Jay-Z’s bold plan to launch the Roc La Familia imprint with Aztek Escobar, Ross will use the press conference as an opportunity to launch the new MMG Gospel imprint, and announce Pastor Mason Betha (aka Murder Ma$e) as the flagship artist. (Possible mixtape title: God Forgives, I Take Up A Collection.) That’s gonna be one helluva heck of a bidding war for Mary Mary and Kirk Franklin.
Joie Manda & Lyor Cohen
Joie Manda & Lyor Cohen Will Slap Box For Ross’ Next Album
It’s no secret that Island Def Jam is trying its best to prevent Warner Music from snatching Rick Ross’s contract when it comes up for renegotiation. They even hired former Warner exec Joie Manda (the architect of the MMG label deal) to be the new president of IDJ—and he's the first to hold that position since Jay-Z vacated the post in 2007. Instead of letting the tension simmer behind the scenes, Ross will invite the two label bosses to settle their differences like men: with a good old-fashioned slap-boxing bout. Winner take all. Of course MMG will keep 51 percent of the pay-per-view revenues.
iSlang App
MMG Will Roll Out The iSlang App
With Instagram selling for a billi, it was only a matter of time before Ross got in on the app game. What better time to announce the new iSlang app and help dealers move work straight off the iPhone?
