We love hip-hop. We love rappers. We especially love rappers who take insignificant slights too far, because then it gives us an excuse to chronicle their fuckery. Case in point: Raekwon and Joe Budden got into a little dust-up over the weekend at a Rock the Bells show in California. Seems Lex Diamond resurrected the static between Jersey Joe and the Wu that got started when Joey talked sideways about being a better rapper then Method Man. (Side note: Joe Budden talk smack about another rapper? Whuh?) A punch might have been thrown, an eye might have gotten a little bit swollen, and more darts might have been thrown in the ensuing bloggery. But only one media outlet was there to capture the whole thing as it originally went down*. And that's Complex! We're like the Anderson Cooper of this rap satire thing, maing. Hit the jump for the rest of the story.
mousebudden Ayo, you know what it is! Rock the Bells Check Getta, aka Car Payment Almost-Maker, aka Blog King, aka YouTube King, aka Tahiry's Ass King, aka Jersey Joe Budden is in the building ya hea—
raekwonicewater@mousebudden Goddamn, shut up ni**a, let's connect politic ditto!
mousebudden@raekwonicewater Dunno, B, you been talking kinda greasy ever since I lent Meth your Just For Men beard dye. Hold up, I got a tattoo somewhere commemorating the occasion.
mousebudden *looks contemplatively at tattoos* *gets teary*
raekwonicewater@mousebudden Man, just let me in! We in the lobby with the deh-deh-dehdehdehs! And by deh-deh-dehdehdehs, I mean five enormous dudes I'm giving A&R credits to on OB4CL2!
raekwonicewater *takes sip of Ensure*
mousebudden@raekwonicewater One sec, man, lemme just make sure my iSight is set up.
mousebudden@mickeyfactz Thanks for getting here so fast, IT guy.
mickeyfactz@mousebudden Man, stop playing! It's me!!
mousebudden@mickeyfactz It's you who?
mickeyfactz@mousebudden Maaaan, y'all know me! I was in various "SPONSORED PROMOTIONAL PAGES" pages in @ComplexMag!
mousebudden@mickeyfactz Magazines? Why would I look at a magazine? I'm the blog king son! My name hasn't appeared on a printed page since I styled Tahiry's King Mag shoot!
mickeyfactz *weeps, blows his nose into check from Honda*
mousebudden@mickeyfactz Aaaaanyway. I'm trying to set up this video diary, and the live stream is acting up. Wait a sec, hold up, that wasn't a punchline.
mousebudden *opens newspaper, looks for topical references no one will remember in a week*
mousebudden Okay, okay. *clears throat* "Jersey Joe pass the ID test/that's why I'm always all up in the cam like I.B.S./I just blog to keep my thoughts straight/but your stream is mad weak, who is you ni**a, Lindsey Graham's prostate?" Hoooooo!
raekwonicewater@mousebudden OPEN UP NI**A CERTAIN INDVIDUALS JUST WANNA DAP OTHER CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS UP AND CONGRATULATE THEM ON THIS BOOM-BANGIN' SLAUGHTERHOUSE ALBUM THE TITLE OF WHICH THIS PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL IN QUESTION IS ABOUT TO RE-ENACT USING MY GOONS AND YOUR CARCASS.
raekwonicewater *jumps up, tries to grab doorknob*
raekwonicewater@GoonTangClan Goddamn, B, go get my footstool!
raekwonicewater@mousebudden NOW LET'S DO THIS CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS GOT A 10-MINUTE SET TO DO, NAHMEAN, BEFORE AT THE END OF THE DAY SUCH SAID INDIVIDUALS GET TO RED LOBSTER IN TIME FOR THE EARLY BIRD SPECIAL! AARP DISCOUNT FTW, GOD!
mickeyfactz *logs on to fmylife.com*
CheoCokersJaw@mousebudden For real, y'all should've asked me. Those Wu cats don't play. But their check did clear!
UGodsBaldSpot@CheoCokersJaw I second that emotion!
CrookedI'sTattoo Wat's wrong wit L.A.? Tey got te best tattoo parlors anywere! RT http://tinyurl.com/lb6fs4
UnitedApiaristAssn@mousebudden Dear Mr. Budden, thank you for your query. It is our professional opinions that killer bees pose a very real threat. We cannot, however, say the same for these "killa beez" you mentioned.
raekwonicewater PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TAKE A CUE FROM CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS AND CALL YOUR NEXT ALBUM IMMOBILARITY 2 BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY GOD CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS MIGHT IMMOBILARICIZE YOU IN THE H-CIPHER-SELF-PITAL, NAHMEAN?
raekwonicewater *takes SAT, scores exceedingly high on Disorienting Rhetoric section*
nickcannon@raekwonicewater You tell him baby! Let these bitch-ass rappers know they can't play you out! You gotta stand up and fight for what's yours, Chef! *does curls with wet towel*
eminem *sits 2000 miles away in his house in Michigan, sneezes*
nickcannon *sprints to Canada*
mousebudden@raekwonicewater C'mon man, what's fair about this? There's like 6 of you, and just me and the IT guy.
mickeyfactz@mousebudden DUDE, FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M A RAPPER! I DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT COMPUTERS! EXCEPT THEY'RE THE ONLY REASON I'M ON THIS TOUR!
mousebudden *watches The Soup, Sportscenter, and C-SPAN*
mousebudden *scribbles in notebook*
mousebudden@raekwonicewater "You's a coward, let your mate hit me/I'm like Jon & Kate, ni**a, you know I always got the 8 wit me/healthcare reform, Shaq got traded to the Cavs/Don't be mad, Funny People saw its box-office sag/Bill Clinton went to Pyongyang, B, you ain't buzzin'/16 seconds ago there was a plane crash in the Hudson!"
raekwonicewater Man, this is shit is not nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be. I'm just gonna go try to bite Royce the 5'9 on the knee.
raekwonicewater *walks out under door*
itsthereal@mousebudden Is now a bad time, homie? We want to shoot this new video about rappers farting. We're calling it "Rock the Smells." Get it? Smells? It sounds like bells! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
mousebudden *weeps*
*Yes, this is a parody. We don't want it with Staten Island!
