Things You'll Only Know If You Grew Up In The Endz

Boomtings, Wastecadets, Choice FM's Junior Jam, and Looney Tunes hoodies.

oldskool
Image via Complex
oldskool

The listicles currently littering the web about teenage subcultures —scene kids, emos—​are numerous, but what about those who were less into Panic At The Disco, and more into Producktionz? Here's an ode to those who wouldn't have been seen dead without a pair of Kickers in the mid-late 2000s and know Tinie Tempah's best song is still "Wifey Riddim".

The Posing

ends

You had your two-hands-on-knee-whilst-looking-downwards, your balled-up-fist-to-mouth-whilst-looking-downwards, your photoshoot-with-best-friend-in-mirror-reflection-whilst-both-looking-downwards and, of course, the iconic train-of-friends-standing-in-front-of-the-bathroom-mirror shots.

While scene kids of MySpace were holding their fingers to their head as a gun, teenagers in the bits were doing gun-fingers, of which there were several variations (off chin, on chin, in the air, pointing to the left, pointing to the right, palm-facing skyward) and applying cartooniser and other equally dreadful effects.

Back of the bus photo sessions were all the rage, and for many, writing 'I heart so and so' on a sticky note and taking a picture of you holding it up to a webcam was an average Saturday night.

The Slang

Kodeez, Nang, Greezy, Cruddy, Boomting, Choongting, Pengting, Buffting, Brap, Showa, Wastecadet, Wastegash and my personal favourite: Poomplex. What were we actually talking about?

But slang wasn't the only changes we made to the English language. Spelling everything wrong on purpose, adding an extra 'i' for aesthetics and capitalising words for the sake of it, basically undid everything you learnt at school. But at the end of the day you were 'Jus Doiin Mwe'.

Nearly a decade later, it's time to fess up; almost 98% of people that were "about that life", weren't actually about that life. Despite what was said on Bebo pages, most people were actually afraid of the people they pretended were their peers and lived in as much fear of having their Oyster stolen or being the main act in a Happy Slap video. Postcodes never mattered as much as we made out, but you'd still 'rep your endz' to the fullest.

The Garms

To think we had the gall to laugh at other kids from other subcultures for being weird when teenage girls were happily rocking dummies in their mouths with wild abandon. The uniform was simple: cubic zirconia Elizabeth Duke earrings, Kickers, and a pair of neon leg warmers. On the weekends, perhaps a red Keffiyeh to match the red laces in your £2 Primark plimsolls (and Primark red shutter shades if your swag level was 100).

If you didn't have a Just Do It bag with at least one character from Winnie The Pooh attached to it in the form of a keychain, you were worthless. Back then, wearing Dora The Explorer and Spongebob merchandise accompanied with a dummy was actually the opposite of childish.

Guys went a step further—for those who weren't into Akademiks tracksuits, Lot 29 saw guys decked in Looney Toons from head to toe. Pair that with a New Era hat (sticker still on, of course) some Nike Dunk Low's and a few eyebrow slits and you were more than ready to mill around a shopping centre. Showa! 

The Hair

The bigger the 'fan' in your hair, the better, as long as the front was slicked back of course. Experimenting with swirly edges was encouraged, as was rocking multiple bunches in your hair at one time. Adorning this monstrosity with a ribbon, lollipop or shoelace finished things off perfectly.

Headbands were also big business back in 2k7, and in this ever-enterprising time sometimes they were made out of tights. The unrealistic fringe standards set were so high, sometimes people just glued on a bit of weave to a headband to make a makeshift fringe. It was a simpler time.

The Chicken Shops

The 'Famo'

Social Media, Then

Yes, yes, everyone had a Piczo site, but not everyone had pages dedicated to the famo, No Fear eyes arbitrarily decorating their homepage or a Bebo album dedicated to photos of ghetto versions of Spongebob and Mickey Mouse smoking spliffs. Copy and pasting a middle finger made out of keyboard symbols from someone else's Bebo account was a means of survival.

And then there were the sections for people to explain that they 'luk thruu' brown eyes and 'stand at' 5'4 and had 'blown out' 14 candles. It was both awful and amazing at once.

MSN screen names were littered with angry faces and cigarette emoticons, as well as '3 Y.SOMEONE', as if the police were in the habit of providing early releases if they came across enough grammatically incorrect statuses.

 

Producktionz

Keisha The Sket

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Choice FM’s Junior Jam

Channel U

The Back Of The Bus

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The politics of the back of the bus was real. The harder you were, the further back you sat which left the kids that were just pretending to be hard trying to find a spot that still convinced most they were cool, but without stepping on the toes of the kids that would seriously "eat" (steal) your Sony Ericsson.

Still, you had to be in a position where you could blast T2's " Heartbroken" from the back of the bus. It wasn't easy.

MC Battles

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I don't know what was in the water around this time, but literally everyone with a phone that had recording capabilities was a grime MC. Bluetoothing instrumentals to each other to rap badly over was standard and awful rap battles took place in the playground, usually with no real winner because honestly, everyone sucked. And it didn't stop there: the back of the bus was transformed into a recording booth, where the olders would spit over "Nutty Violins" whilst everyone else did gun-fingers. The good ol' days...

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