You've heard this one before. It's a classic tale of romance, really. Your biological parents, presumably one of which is a sex robot and/or doll sent back in time from the year 2030 to put their simulated procreation abilities to good use, have probably told you a similar version of this story a million times. Boy meets robot, robot moves in with family, and everyone lives synthetically ever after.

Anyway, just in case your heart needs further warming this Friday, let's meet Masayuki Ozaki of Tokyo, who told AFP in a recent interview that a sex doll named Mayu is, no exaggeration here, the "love of his life."

The doll—along with three others—reside with Ozaki in the same house he shares with his wife and teen daughter. "Even when things don't go well at work or even if I had a bad day, I feel safe knowing that she’s always awake, waiting for me," Ozaki said, seemingly unaware of the immediate existential quandary he was likely thrusting viewers into upon hearing such comments about a doll.

But there's more, so prepare thy heart. Ozaki, described by AFP as a 45-year-old physiotherapist, said it was "love at first sight" when he spotted Mayu in the showroom. "After my wife gave birth we stopped having sex and I felt a deep sense of loneliness," he said. Now, he takes Mayu on wheelchair-assisted dates. Sex dolls, miraculously, are unable to walk around. Probably because they're dolls.

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Speaking of not being alive, Ozaki is already making plans to bring Mayu and the other dolls with him for some post-existence hangouts. "In Japan, people are cremated," he explained, "but I'm told I wouldn't be allowed to be cremated with them." Bummer. Instead, he's considering just getting buried with all four dolls, as one does.

These particular silicone dolls run about $6,000 and move around 2000 units a year. In other words, jump right into the nightmare of post-human dystopia. The water's warm!