For reasons not exactly clear to us, nature allows tarantulas to mate. This means, as mating often does, that all the big-ass spiders that currently exist are given free rein to make even more big-ass spiders. Great. As if we needed more aspects of nature to completely avoid! And September apparently marks the beginning of tarantula mating season, meaning hikers and people just foolishly spending time outside in Los Angeles may very well bump into a male tarantula.

The National Park Service confirmed to the Los Angeles Times on Thursday that "big, furry arachnids" of the male variety will be hornily roaming around outside females' burrows through October, making special note of potential spider run-ins for hikers in the Santa Monica Mountains.

In fact, these dude spiders often travel as far as four miles to find a mate. Impressive? Sure. But still scary AF.

But what's the return look like on a successfully mated tarantula? According to National Geographic, pretty damn good. Of course, by "pretty damn good," we mean horrific, awful, terrible, run-for-your-life amounts of spiders. After the female seals the eggs in a cocoon and keeps watch over them for roughly two months, as many as 1,000 tarantulas will hatch.

But, hey, the rest of Los Angeles' inarguable beauty (i.e. peeping classics at Hollywood Forever, eating your weight at Donut Friend, and pretending to be important) balances out all this weird spider shit. Also, at least Los Angeles isn't plagued by demonic flying cockroaches and exploding horse manure like other parts of the country.