Bagels. Biscotti. Toast. A splash of whiskey. These are all things reasonable people might pair with their morning coffee, i.e. pretty much the only fucking reason anyone is able to wake up in the morning and face the surely dire day. But a cafe in Switzerland is hoping to change all that by offering the most exciting coffee add-on yet: oral sex.

The cafe, set to open by the end of this year to ensure proper holiday cheer, will allow coffee-craving dudes to simply pop into the shop for a quick morning pick-me-up. "In five or ten minutes, it's all over," Bradley Charvet of the Facegirl firm in Geneva told Le Matin recently. But how?!?

Guests will simply order their coffee in the same fashion one might order a coffee in less pleasure-centered shops, then use an iPad to select the sex worker of their choice for a triple shot of oral sexpresso (sorry). But the exciting new shop, first spotted by Uproxx, is already raising a few concerns from local lames.

Sex work is completely legal in Switzerland with the appropriate permits, but so-called "pimping" is definitely not. Some have argued that the coffee shop's iPad order service would "in effect" legalize pimping, the Local reports. Geneva's Department for Security and the Economy is currently reading up on the cafe's business plans.

But the real bummer here that no one is talking about? The shop, at least according to current reports, will cater solely to the oral needs of men. Why can't women be awarded the same pleasure-assisted coffee experience? And on a related note, when is someone going to combine this fellatio cafe business model to include a man-made ocean equipped with these handy glow-in-the-dark snorkels designed specifically for underwater oral?