In light of the news climate surrounding men’s rights to women’s bodies, we decided to clear some things up for the ignorant fellas of the internet. If it wasn’t bad enough that people were excusing Johnny Depp’s alleged abuse toward Amber Heard because his movies are just so good, we also witnessed ex-Stanford swimmer Brock Allen Turner receive only six months of probation for assaulting an unconscious woman because the judge said a harsher sentence would have a “severe impact” on Turner.
But the cherry on top of this rape culture mess was when Kanye “I only love my wife more than myself” West’s creative consultant Ian Connor publicly harassed women who accused him of rape. Connor took to Twitter to share images, texts, and anything else he could get his hands on in an attempt to “prove” his innocence—but he was really just slut-shaming his accusers. Other men got involved and followed suit.
Since so many (even one is too many) men think there are some behaviors that excuse rape—a disgusting and illegal violation of someone’s body—here’s a reminder: NO MEANS NO, period point blank. No person is entitled to someone else’s body, and there are absolutely no actions that would make someone owe someone else sex.
Here’s a list of all the goddamn things I (or any woman) can do before or after being raped that do not revoke our ability to say no:
- I can slide in your DMs.
- I can be a thirst trap.
- I can call you after midnight.
- I can text, "You up?"
- I can meet you on Tinder.
- I can go on a date with you.
- I can go on 100 dates with you.
- I can accept dinner from you.
- I can accept money from you.
- I can accept a flight from you.
- I can be a stripper.
- I can be a camgirl.
- I can be a sugar baby.
- I can do porn.
- I can do sex work.
- I can sleep with 100 people before you.
- I can wear revealing clothes.
- I can wear no clothes.
- I can drink.
- I can do drugs.
- I can get drunk.
- I can black out.
- I can be in a relationship with someone else.
- I can be in multiple relationships.
- I can cheat on my man.
- I can Snapchat you this pussy.
- I can sext you.
- I can send a nude.
- I can send a nude with my face in it.
- I can post nudes on the internet.
- I can invite you to my place.
- I can go to your place.
- I can suck your dick.
- I can fuck you.
- I can fuck you multiple times.
- I can love you.
- I can be your friend with benefits.
- I can be your girlfriend.
- I can be your wife.
- I can have your child.
- I can be your baby mama.
- I can be your ex.
- I can live with you.
- I can sleep next to you.
- I can take off my clothes in front of you.
- I can take a shower with you.
- I can lay in bed naked next to you.
- I can politely decline your advances.
- I can rudely decline your advances.
- I can accept your advances and then change my mind...
...and it would still be rape if I don’t consent.
For those who still don’t understand, allow Amber Rose to keep it 100:
"If I'm laying down with a man butt-naked and his condom is on, and I say, 'You know what? No, I don't want to do this, I changed my mind.' That means no. That means fucking no. That's it. It doesn't matter how far I take it, or what I have on, when I say no it means no."
Rape is an illegal violation that happens when someone non-consensually forces someone else to engage in sexual activity. Rape is an action, and it doesn’t happen because of the victim’s outfit or a couple of drinks—rape happens when someone chooses to violate a person. In the case against Brock Allen Turner, his attorney tried to use the age old “asking for it” argument against the victim. But she reminded the judge that Turner is the one responsible for his own actions in an open letter: “It is deeply offensive that he would try and dilute rape with a suggestion of ‘promiscuity.’ By definition rape is not the absence of promiscuity, rape is the absence of consent.”