Have you ever been sitting at your office or waiting for a bus and thought, "Gee, if only it were acceptable for me to jerk off right now?" If so, then you're in luck, because there's now an actual shirt that claims to let you do so discreetly (or as discreetly as the act of masturbation can be accomplished). The JerkShirt, created by the webcam site CamSoda, is now available online for pre-order.
Don't believe me? Watch this highly sophisticated and enticing advertisement.
"You are now finally able to enjoy the Jerkshirt® any where you please without the fear of getting caught by your co-workers or close friends," the product's online description reads.
The classy blue button-down has a built-in prosthetic arm that matches your skin tone so nobody thinks to wonder where your missing hand is, assuming they can't see it moving up and down behind the fake hand that "magically" conceals it. And the best part? "With our splash guard there is no mess or worry to clean up," the website boasts. "It's jerkincredible!"
All we want to know is, why isn't there one for the ladies?
JerkShirt and CamSoda did not immediately return Complex's request for comment.