Dear Average Rap Band. Yo I would love to pay tribute to my favourite rapper by attending a costume party dressed as Future. So naturally I'm gonna go blackface, cos how else will people know I'm Future? Someone told me it's a bad idea, but I mean – have you seen the movie White Chicks?
It's a great idea, but it needs to be convincing. If you want to truly embody the character you should know your history. You should do your research. A lot of the costumes you're seeing these days just aren't believable. The shoe polish is one thing but what people are really overdoing is the entitlement. You need to lose that if you want to pull of a believable blackface. Your job security, your baseline income, your right to be protected by law enforcement, these are all things that separate a good costume from a great one.
You can't have the good without the bad. You don't want to be a Miami Heat fan. If you're going as Charles Manson, you want to have some blood on your hands. If you're going as an African American man to a white supremacist costume party you want to have some of your own blood on your hands. Sure, wear the chains, draw the tattoos, bleach the dread locks. But don't forget to add the 300, ah my bad, 400 years of oppression... and injustice... and senseless violence... and rape... and murder... and being sold as an object to build your tormentor's empire. An empire that your children would then have to try and survive in as prceived inferior beings who didn't deserve the right to vote or drink from a certain fountain because their skin was the same colour as your shoe polish.
Own your costume. BE the character. When the guy dressed as a police officer comes up to you at the party and smacks you over the head with a walkie talkie, take it as proof of your costume's authenticity. When the dude with the white sheet on his head ties you to the back of the Holden and drags you through the streets, that's when you'll know you've really nailed it.
You are a true champion. You are the best in show. Take your ribbon and wheelchair and wear them proud. These other losers don't understand the level of commitment it takes to pull of a perfect impersonation. How would anyone know that was Kanye West? That could well just be Brad Pitt with weird glasses and Kanye West shoes. How am I supposed to guess that you're Michael Jordan just because you're wearing his entire uniform? Shame on those people who told you this was a bad idea. They obviously hadn't seen White Chicks. It's your white, I mean right, to dress as whoever you want, however you want. Why should you have to respect someone just because they've got fewer rights than you? You know a 'black fullah', You listen to trap and rap. Surely their lives couldn't be harder than yours. #allcostumesmatter