Average Advice, Week 5

I love rap, so I'm like totally fine to go blackface to a party, right?

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This week in Average Advice, Tom and Lui of Average Rap Band set the record straight as they answer your questions about the hot new looks for 2016 and ’17, before making it clear that Russell Brand is the best leader the Earth has right now. Oh and you want some clarity on that whole messy blackface thing in the news lately? That’s here too.

Read on to get your weekly life lessons, and submit your questions via Facebook or Twitter.

Dear Average Rap Band. Yo I would love to pay tribute to my favourite rapper by attending a costume party dressed as Future. So naturally I'm gonna go blackface, cos how else will people know I'm Future? Someone told me it's a bad idea, but I mean – have you seen the movie White Chicks

It's a great idea, but it needs to be convincing. If you want to truly embody the character you should know your history. You should do your research. A lot of the costumes you're seeing these days just aren't believable. The shoe polish is one thing but what people are really overdoing is the entitlement. You need to lose that if you want to pull of a believable blackface. Your job security, your baseline income, your right to be protected by law enforcement, these are all things that separate a good costume from a great one. 

You can't have the good without the bad. You don't want to be a Miami Heat fan. If you're going as Charles Manson, you want to have some blood on your hands. If you're going as an African American man to a white supremacist costume party you want to have some of your own blood on your hands. Sure, wear the chains, draw the tattoos, bleach the dread locks. But don't forget to add the 300, ah my bad, 400 years of oppression... and injustice... and senseless violence... and rape... and murder... and being sold as an object to build your tormentor's empire. An empire that your children would then have to try and survive in as prceived inferior beings who didn't deserve the right to vote or drink from a certain fountain because their skin was the same colour as your shoe polish. 

Own your costume. BE the character. When the guy dressed as a police officer comes up to you at the party and smacks you over the head with a walkie talkie, take it as proof of your costume's authenticity. When the dude with the white sheet on his head ties you to the back of the Holden and drags you through the streets, that's when you'll know you've really nailed it.  

You are a true champion. You are the best in show. Take your ribbon and wheelchair and wear them proud. These other losers don't understand the level of commitment it takes to pull of a perfect impersonation. How would anyone know that was Kanye West? That could well just be Brad Pitt with weird glasses and Kanye West shoes. How am I supposed to guess that you're Michael Jordan just because you're wearing his entire uniform? Shame on those people who told you this was a bad idea. They obviously hadn't seen White Chicks. It's your white, I mean right, to dress as whoever you want, however you want. Why should you have to respect someone just because they've got fewer rights than you? You know a 'black fullah', You listen to trap and rap. Surely their lives couldn't be harder than yours. #allcostumesmatter 

Dear Average Rap Band. I'm thinking of a wardrobe upheaval, what look should I adopt for my sartorial rebrand?

I got one word for you reader: Orange.

Marinate on that and get back to me when you're ready for the future of fashion. '14 was black. '15 was white. '16 is orange. Trust me. The other night at the VIP Acclaim party that we were invited to because ew write for Complex, I seen two dudes in orange beanies. I smelt it. Then I seen 'Ye in the orange sweater. I felt it. Then I went out and copped me 2 pair of hot orange Tims and now I look like a walking VLC Media Player and everyone wants me. Don't get left behind reader. The hype train is departing and you need to be on it. First thing you should do tomorrow is get down to Savers and cop every hi-vis vest they got. Baltimore Orioles letterman with the pumpkin Prestos, that's a strong look. Or if you wanna really be an early adaptor, get that new yellow before it hits this summer. Thank me later. 

Dear Average Rap Band. The Australian election is coming up, but I'm not registered to vote. Should I bother enrolling or is the whole thing futile?

Let's get one thing straight, Russell Brand is a genius. Have you seen Get Him To The Greek or Katy Perry? Russell Brand was in both of those. He must know a lot about politics. He's working class innit? So listen to him. The last thing you need to be doing with your life is wasting it actively participating in change. Democracy is for hippies and lunatics who believe humans are capable of amicable discourse. What we really need is martial law. Martial law and more YouTube rants from ruggedly handsome actors. We all know politicians are corrupt. But not actors. Actors don't lie. Actors don't act like anyone but themselves! Jet fuel can't melt steel beams but democracy can and it will. You wanna know who we would vote for in an ideal world? Fidel Castro. Now that's a people's champion right there. North Korea's got a good thing going on. Nobody's wondering who to vote for in North Korea. I don't know what the fuck Kate Sheppard was fighting for. If she had've known that her vote would make no difference in a corrupt world run by Jay Electronica's side boo's family then she probably would've spent her time on something more worthwhile, like turning up. Not turning up to vote. Idiot. Make Australia great again. Don't vote. But do fill out my twitter poll 'is it worth voting? (@homebrewcrew @lui_t_newton) Spoiler: it's not. Don't vote. 

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