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When Pope Francis isn't busy getting charmed by fellow Earth-lover Leonardo DiCaprio, he's apparently preoccupied with putting together a handy 236-page document centered on the seemingly boring topic of "family issues." The document, aptly named "Amoris Laetitia" ("The Joy of Love"), hit Mashable on Friday and contains at least one titillating slice of advice regarding the seemingly popular practice known to nearly no one as coitus.

According to the slightly-cooler-than-usual Pope, "young married couples" should actively pursue a routine centered on achieving "closeness" through a series of daily rituals. "These include a morning kiss, an evening blessing, waiting at the door to welcome each other home, taking trips together, and sharing household chores," Pope Francis writes. "Evening blessing," you say? No arguments there.

To break up the obvious monotony of married life, Pope Francis recommends the occasional turn-up. "It also helps to break the routine with a party," Francis suggests, "and to enjoy family celebrations of anniversaries and special events." Given that Pope Francis is now on Instagram, has publicly declared the Internet a "gift from God," and even released an admittedly fire rock album, perhaps it's time for him to make the inevitable leap to what may be his true calling: sex advice columnist. Evening Blessings With Pope Francis, anyone? I'd read that.