Ted Cruz, he of the half-melted face, has been offered a chance to fulfill his dreams. No, not his White House dreams—his dream of starring in a porno. Upon hearing that 18-year-old Cruz wanted nothing more than to star in a "teen tit film," Vivid Entertainment's Steve Hirsch has given him the chance to creep-smile his way through his very own adult movie. According to TMZ, if Cruz makes good on the offer, Hirsch will even donate $1 million to the super-pac of his choice.

Cruz's campaign has yet to respond, but Hirsch has a few suggestions: one, that the movie be filmed in Cruz's "home country of Canada," and two, that it be titled "Cruzin for Bush." We think the film could work wonders for his image, which frankly is a little stiff.