The sex life of an aquarium-trapped octopus, presumably, leaves much to be desired. Not only are you tasked with almost always being on display for half-interested aquarium visitors, sometimes you have to publicly engage in intercourse with another octopus in front of a crowd of slightly more interested human beings on Valentine's Day.
However, for 70-pound Seattle Aquarium resident Kong, any fears of an intimate public performance were swiftly put to rest just hours before showtime thanks to some apparently well-founded cannibalism worries. According to some pun-heavy reporting from CNN, Kong was originally scheduled to be the "main attraction" at Seattle Aquarium's annual mating event. Octopus sex enthusiasts, however, were forced to seek their thrills elsewhere.
Kong's size, KOMO reports, is double that of the aquarium's largest female. As a result of this size disparity, experts were concerned that Kong might simply consume his would-be sexual partner instead. As noted octopi experts will surely agree, Kong's purported largeness is actually quite the fourth-quarter blessing, as an octopus swiftly dies after enjoying a bit of mating.
Also, the Seattle Aquarium apparently thinks we all want to kiss an octopus?
Stay strong, Kong. One day, you too will be able to procreate in front of a bunch of complete strangers before promptly ceasing to exist.