Dating sucks, and online dating can suck even more. A quick Google search for online-dating horrors yields hundreds of cringe-worthy stories about everything from creepy messages to sexting debacles.
When searching for your potential bae means encountering jerks like these, hopelessness sometimes sets in. But what if it were possible to have a vetting process for men on dating apps? Would online dating be better if men had to be nominated to participate?
Jess, Meet Ken is a Boston- and New York-based dating app requiring just that. “Guys can only be on the app if they have been nominated by a woman,” co-founder Ken Deckinger told NTRSCTN.
Deckinger described it as follows:
A dating app for women to introduce their best guys to other women—guys who may not be right for them but could be great for someone else. He could be an ex-boyfriend, a co-worker, a roommate, a brother, a cousin, you name it. If he’s a great guy, but someone that you (as a woman) wouldn’t date, he should be on Jess, Meet Ken.
His wife, Jess Deckinger, inspired the app: They met the same way Jess, Meet Ken aims to connect others.
“The most unique thing about Jess, Meet Ken is that the app is based on the way Jess and I met,” Ken said. “My best friend, Adele [Tongish, Jess and Ken's business partner] posted me online. Jess saw the post and messaged Adele to ask about me. Adele then introduced us.”
We interviewed Ken over email about the app and found out why it might be a long-awaited game-changer.
NTRSCTN: According to the Pew Research Center, many people are shifting from traditional dating to online dating. Why?
Ken: I think there are two factors leading to this. First, dating is a numbers game. It sounds shallow, but if you want to meet someone special (“the” someone special) you need to put yourself out there and meet people.
Online dating enables people to put themselves out there. And, it enables it in large quantities—very easily and very efficiently. The second reason is that culturally, we lead increasingly busier lives with schedules that make it difficult for us to spend a lot of time dating. Online dating—particularly mobile dating—allows us to work dating into the routines of our daily lives.
Many online daters have horror stories about the people they’ve met from apps and websites. How does Jess, Meet Ken aim to change that narrative?
For starters, we're seeing that Jess, Meet Ken attracts a different type of dater. The people on our app tend to be looking for a meaningful relationship. This cuts out the sketchy culture found on other dating apps.
Additionally, all guys are vouched for. This vetting process helps to make sure the guys are higher quality. What's really cool though is that the connection between the man and woman establishes a sense of accountability on both sides of the table. Both men and women know they are connected to other users, so they play nice.
How does Jess, Meet Ken separate itself from the myriad dating apps available to those seeking to date?
I don't think any other dating app in the market today is based on a couple's true love story. We live it and breathe it and love (pun intended) being able to introduce other people to each other the same way we met.
From a product standpoint, there are three things that make us really different:
- Guys can't be on the app at all unless a woman has nominated him and vouched for him as a "good guy."
- Each guy's profile has a narrative by the woman who nominated him.
- When a guy and girl match they can chat. What's really cool is that the woman can chat with the woman who nominated the guy, just like how Adele and Jess chatted before Jess and I met.
What are some of the questions women have to answer when they’re nominating men for Jess, Meet Ken?
A woman answers only one question about the guy she nominates. It's a broad question that tells other ladies why they would want to date him. We keep it really simple and open, intentionally—the freeform nature of this question lets a lady write about the guy from her heart. We didn’t want to force pre-formatted questions that put the guy in a box.
We know #JessMeetKen works because that’s how our founders met! #OnlineDating https://t.co/NZjiJSCNxt pic.twitter.com/joB0Fokom4
You met on a dating app, and have since married and had three children. How did you make the transition from online dating to a serious commitment?
When you meet "the one" all the other noise seems to fade away. Jess and I both knew that we were getting married 12 minutes into our first date. It was at the Central Park Zoo in front of the monkeys. Things just felt different after that and chemically we changed. We wanted to be out there less and be together more.
The best tip Jess and I offer to people searching for life partners is to look beyond the person you think you want. Chances are the person you are really looking for isn't the person you think you’re looking for.
Jess had been dating Wall Street banker types before me. They were all the same person. I'm definitely not that. I'm a big, goofy, bald entrepreneur. Be open-minded. Don't pigeonhole yourself into meeting only the type of person you think you want, especially not based on a resume. We see that all the time. It's stupid and it's BS.
Do you have any success stories from Jess, Meet Ken?
Well, this is a tricky one because we're only a few months old, so stuff is just starting to trickle in. We do know of one couple already moving in together! Many others are going on dates and dating. Check back in a few months, and we'll likely have many more.
Creating a dating app about more than hooking up is a lofty goal, but Jess, Meet Ken seems like a welcome change for those who've been overwhelmed with unsolicited nudes and Netflix and chill propositions.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
