5 Reasons Video Games Are Better Than Wasting Your Time at the Club

1. Video Games Make You Smarter.

A recently released study has shown that playing video games actually increases spatial navigation, memory formation, and puzzle solving. The study had a control group play Super Mario 64 for 30 minutes a day for the span of two months. After the study, there was significant increase in grey matter in the hippocampus, pre-frontal cortex, and cerebellum. 

One time at the club, I pissed into an electrical socket on a dare just to see what would happen. Why? Cause booze can, occasionally, make you do dumb shit.


2. Video Games Don't Come Bundled With Hangovers.

As we age, our ability to bounce back from hangovers is slowly replaced by an all-consuming dragnet of migraines and regret. Simply waking up and cracking open a beer to combat last night's Roman orgy becomes less and less of a prescribed solution. Marathoning Dark Souls will leave you with lots of things, but a blinding tumor that stinks of bourbon forming directly your eyes isn't one of them.

3. Temptation Becomes Irrelevant.

For argument's sake, you're in a committed relationship. You're happy and have that stoked on life confidence vibe that seems to come with a functioning relationship. You know who can smell that confidence? Literally everyone looking to bone down in that shitty night club. They're all nodding along to whichever inexcusable Avicii song happens to be playing and quietly circling you like a pack of horned up Timber wolves. Stay home, avoid the temptation, and go earn %100 in GTA V.

4. You Can Literally Save All Of The Money.

You've already made the initial investment of $60 on a game, the couple hundred dollars on a console, and a monthly subscription to whichever online service your using. We can guarantee you've still got unfinished games wallowing in your shame pile. Why not save the $80 you're going to drop on watered down cocktails and chip away at your library? What did you spend during the Steam Holiday Sale? Skip two weekends at the club/bar and you'd be shocked to see how many dollars are left in your bank account.

5. You Can't Get High. 

Sure, you could smoke before you go. But there always exists the very real danger of an anxiety attack taking hold of you as soon as you pay the ransom/cover. Start over-analyzing the rationale (the rationale is to bone down, we know) behind everyone's presence in a poorly lit, confined space, pawing at one another, dressed like extras from The Fifth Element and your short lived outing is now a full-blown panic attack. 

You know what game is awesome to play while high? All of them. 

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