CASTLEVANIA (1986)
Running through a castle fighting ghosts and whatnot? Don't worry, we've pre-slaughtered THOUSANDS OF TURKEYS and hidden their roasted legs inside the walls. It's cool, just crack your whip at these expensive candelabras until you can feast on the genocide. We'll just be over here masturbating with thousand-dollar bills and telling six-year-olds to make our sneakers faster.

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